What is Anger?

All is well when we feel understood, supported, accepted, and connected. On the other hand, anger is ignited from the hurtful words and actions of another. Anger is a general term to describe several emotional expressions including frustration, irritability, annoyance, and blowing off steam. Anger is defined as intent to (1) preserve personal worth, (2) preserve essential needs, and to (3) preserve basic convictions.

Preserving personal worth: Anger is common to every person, found in all personality types. We are guaranteed to encounter this negative emotion because we are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world. Anger comes when you feel the need to clearly communicate that your personal boundaries have been violated. Purposely intended by the speaker to cause harm or not, the angry person feels that his or her dignity has been demeaned from having been ignored, denied, offended, mistreated, wronged, or controlled. Perceptions are more powerful than intentions. The common message perceived is a lack of respect. Hurtful people offer judgmental evaluations and critical opinions. Anger is a choice when we can begin to accept God’s grace and truth that produces in us a God given identity, His character, purpose, and eternal value.

Preserving essential needs: Everyone needs love, encouragement, and respect. Essential needs are common to us all. These needs must be satisfactorily addressed if we are to have emotional well-being. We feel confused, hurt, and angry when our essential needs are not addressed or validated. The essential needs you have will not always be the same as the essential needs of others. Each of us has a different temperament with different motives and desires. No two people have the same identical background or experiences, so each of us have unique issues of importance. It is normal to expect some of your essential needs to be met. On the other hand, anger can be misguided or overstated because of a sense of entitlement and self-centeredness. Anger is a choice when we find balance in contentment and thankfulness. Not all of our essential needs have been neglected. For example, we can be thankful for what we do have, including friends and family, good health, a place to live, and food to eat.

Preserving basic convictions: Anger can be incorrectly associated with trivial matters. There are times when anger may be associated with legitimate concerns, but managed irresponsibly. There is a fine line between knowing when to stand up firmly for your convictions and when to accept the imperfections you see in the world. When anger becomes so much part of your identity that you lose your capacity to find peace, your convictions begin to work against you. Balance is found when reasonable issues are communicated in a proper and respectful manner. A person who is growing and maturing need to have a firm foundation of beliefs to guide their lives, yet also need to know how to remain composed when others do not share the same beliefs.

Discussion questions: Where do you get your self-worth from? Is there unmet needs in your life currently and how are you handling it? Can you think of a situation where your anger was the result of a too strongly held conviction?