Fear causes Defensiveness

Fear is an emotion brought about by a perceived threat. Fear is the inward insecurity that prevents us from living in healthy ways. Fear is usually associated with obvious weak characteristics such as shyness, cowering, or intimidation. Even though not as obvious, fear can also be expressed with a false sense of courage, excessive talking, workaholism, lying, and others.

Fear causes defensiveness: Instead of being real in personal relationships, defensive people project a false or only partially true images of themselves. Most commonly, defensiveness is expressed in the following traits: denial, evasiveness, and reversal.

·         Denial is a refusal to acknowledge personal problems and tensions by excusing or avoiding issues. The nature of fear is evident in denial.  We fear our vulnerability will be found out and held against us so we deny being weak or needy. The Bible gives us this reminder: “Have I not commanded you? Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9).

·         Evasiveness is different from denial in that evasiveness is driven by a conscious element of fear, while denial involves subconscious self-deception. When we act evasively we are specifically choosing to avoid the responsibility of meeting problems head on, therefore evasiveness is a deliberate deception of others. Evasiveness is a mark of personal insecurity and a lack of trust in others. The book of Proverbs is full of wisdom, providing warning and instruction: “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe” (Proverbs 29:25).    

·         Reversal is more openly combative. It is driven by the idea that the best way to protect yourself is to keep others on the defense. When reversal techniques are used, we assume others are out to get us so we become offensive. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Proverbs 15:1).

Be authentic: We can overcome fear with being authentic. This means while we are wise enough to balance self-disclosures (building block to intimacy) we are also willing to make ourselves known as common sense allows. Authentic living is when our external lives are consistent with our internal lives. “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the Lord, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him” (Proverbs 16:7).  

Focus on the Lord instead of on fear: “The fear of the Lord is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death” (Proverbs 16:27). Ultimately the root of fear that leads to death is not trusting in God. The best way to overcome fear is to meditate on the Word of God. When trouble comes, hold fast to the truth in the Bible. The Bible is intended to be an immovable anchor for your life. As God’s thoughts become part of your own thinking, fear will fade and faith will grow. “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love” (1John 4:18).  

Which one of these three, denial, evasiveness, or reversal, best describes you?