Anger is a Choice: Being Accountable

There are three elements for anger management to come full circle. First, you must identify the anger in its many forms. Second, begin to understand the factors causing anger to remain. Third, change your patterns of thinking to promote a healthier lifestyle consistent with Biblical principles by learning God’s ways and applying them to daily living. It is important to succeed in all three. If you fail to implement the third step, your efforts will not produce the results you desire. New insights and awareness mean very little until they prompt you to make significant adjustments in your behavior and lifestyle.

Appling your insights: Anger management advances when awareness is put into action. You can make several adjustments in your behavior to confirm that you have succeed in managing your anger including, setting goals to be more relational, making amends, choose to be positive in your communication, and being authentic.    

Set Goals to become more relational: Anger expressed improperly fails to achieve its goal. Misused anger creates an emotional atmosphere of rejection, pessimism (expecting the worst), and self-centeredness, ultimately leaving everyone involved dissatisfied. Once you begin to understand the root causes of your anger, create goals that will reflect a change of heart. Be known as someone who finds the good in others. Find joy in the small pleasures of life, such as a quiet dinner with family. Be courteous to others even when problems are not completely resolved. Choose to accept the imperfections of others, just as you want others to accept your imperfections.

Making amends with those you have wronged: An inevitable by-product of misguided anger is damaged relationships. It is not enough for us to resolve to move forward with a new perspective on managing anger. To truly find balance we must be willing to make amends with those who been hurt by our past behavior and attitudes such as asking the one whom you offended to forgive you for specific wrongs. While there are no guarantees that we can tie down all loose ends involving past anger, we can proceed with a clean future when we are willing to take the lead in our commitments to emotional healthiness.

Choose to be positive in your communication: Ongoing anger inhibits positive traits. Rather than being friendly or encouraging, anger can cause us to be cynical, critical, or withdrawn. Instead, be a better listener. Initiate friendly and sincere exchange. Show some enthusiasm towards the interests of others. Be more flexible and less rigid in your daily interactions. The true test of anger management is revealed in who you become after you have chosen to manage your anger differently. Balance is found when reasonable issues are communicated in a proper and respectful manner.

 

Be authentic about your anger-management efforts: For change to be effective, you need to be open and real about your changes with people who know you well. It is one thing to decide quietly that you will handle your anger more appropriately, but you will be more powerfully motivated to maintain your adjustments when you openly describe what will be different. As we share our needs and plans, we create the very atmosphere of growth and encouragement that will prompt ongoing emotional healthiness.