Growth comes from Letting go of Past Injuries

Part of growing up is having healthy relationships and resolving the past. We have to learn to process emotional pain. Feelings of depression, anxiety, or anger are emotional responses to being ignored (rejected) or mistreated (personal dignity has been demeaned). We all want to be acknowledged for our personal worth and value, our essential needs met, and our basic convictions are acknowledged. Holding onto past hurts is a barrier that prevents us from growing and maturing. The issues we experience in life are not always our fault but it is our responsibility to deal with them.  

We need organization and structure to maintain peace and order in our lives. As we mature we learn the value of cooperation and compromise within our families, marriages, friendships, workplaces, and churches. But sometimes that cooperation is replaced by demands by people or institutions. These demands can lead one to feel controlled, and that leads to conflict. Excessive control is when: performance takes a priority over relationship, differentness is threatening, and when obligation is taught as being mandatory rather than a choice. In essence, your boundaries are not respected and basic freedoms are not validated.  

Control hinders relationship. Performance is important but it is not the essence of who we are. What we feel, how we think, what we perceive, these elements are at the core of who we are. People like familiarity. When change occurs, often people feel threatened and become fearful. While we all need structure, we have difficulty with others when they insist we follow their way of thinking. Relating in love means personal, intimate matters take first priority. Relating in love first with God and then with others is the ultimate goal in life.  

While we cannot stop people from attempting to control us, we are free to sidestep their demands and instead make choices that are the most responsive. When faced with conflict we have two options: speak truth in love or to let go. If you feel disrespected or ignored and you do nothing to properly address your needs, eventually you will become sour and your contributions to relationships will be negative. As you communicate your needs and convictions, make sure your behavior is assertive rather than aggressive. Assertiveness is taking steps to work things out. The goal is to resolve, not blame.

When assertiveness proves to be fruitless, the other option is to let go of your expectations and accepting your inability to completely control circumstances. Letting go is also choosing to forgive. Forgiveness is both a choice and a process. Forgiveness is not forgetting what has happened, nor is it conceding defeat. Forgiveness is the healthy, emotional choice. Forgiveness does not mean you have to reconcile with the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is saying: I still dislike the wrongs I’ve suffered but I choose to thrive in spite of them.  

When we resolve not to respond to a wrong with a wrong, we exercise personal responsibility. We also show ourselves to be less dependent on human input and more dependent on God’s guidance. Only God can help us fully process the pain of our past injuries. God's intervention in our lives is the only path to the true reconciliation with our fellow man that is so essential for our emotional and mental health.

What is the root cause that prevents you from resolving conflict and past injuries?