We learn to cope with pain by burying the truth. We think if we just hide it, it will go away. Denial becomes our method to feel safe. As long as we don’t think about the pain, we think we are ok. But the pain is still there. We become comfortably numb and insensitive to our own pain and the pain of others. We’ve lost ourselves and our ability to be in touch with our own feelings and the ability to trust.
No matter what we hear about prayer and Bible reading and how spiritual the answer to our problem might seem, we still do not completely believe it. We want to be assured we have value even though others have seen us at our worst or heard about our unfavorable past. Not until we know if someone will make sense of the pain and will they minister to our emotional turmoil, do we begin to believe and trust.
Growing intimacy within the bond of friendship is necessary to replace the missing trust and validation. We need mentors and friends who will tell us the truth about what they see in us. They understand what it is like to be wounded, and who are a few steps ahead on the journey to whole living. The truth is digestible because of grace. Grace means you are accepted just the way you are. When we accept grace and truth, we can begin to understand our defense mechanisms. We can begin to see how we use denial, minimize the hurt, use excuses, rationalization and other things to cover up the pain.
As we bond together, we lay the foundation of growth. Reconstruction begins. We begin to develop trust. But we mustn’t blindly trust. All relationships require boundaries. We learn that we are separate people with our own thoughts and ability to make choices. We must learn to take responsibility for what belongs to us and allow others the freedom to be who they are. To help keep us accountable, we allow our bonded relationships to confront us when we sin. By allowing our trusted friends and mentors to lovingly confront our behavior, we learn to accept the truth about ourselves. We begin to feel safe within our support system and we can begin to heal and mature over time.
The Word tells us that His grace is sufficient. Grace imparts to us forgiveness and righteousness that transforms us. Even though we continue to have a sinful nature, grace imparts to us eternal value and purpose. When we accept both the good and bad parts of ourselves, we see ourselves as a whole person. When we do not accept that we are weak and will fail, we are not fully accepting the grace that makes us whole.
To continue to grow, requires being honest about yourself. Humility is admitting you do not have all the answers. We need to have a teachable spirit. If we are serious about changing and healing, we must stop pointing the finger at others or letting ourselves be victims to our feelings of shame. Have you come to the realization of why you think, feel, and act the way you do?
To continue to grow requires being honest about yourself.
ReplyDeletea wonderful story I read Phillip with a great message. thank you God bless you.
ReplyDeleteAs long as we don’t think about the pain, we think we are ok.
ReplyDeleteWe become comfortably numb and insensitive to our own pain and the pain of others.
ReplyDeleteWe learn that we are separate people with our own thoughts and ability to make choices.
ReplyDelete