The Roles Time Plays

It is important to recognize the different roles that time plays in our growth and development. The following four principles are primary to the integration of the relational, emotional, and spiritual growth process, and the healing to past injury:

Accept the history: Most relationships will get strained at some time, resulting in their not functioning at their best. Often producing patterns of thinking and behavior that cause and maintain emotional problems, these patterns are accompanied by irrational beliefs, which are beliefs that are held even though they are not true. There are many possible reasons for this, including insecure attachment, ego, arrogance, jealousy, anger, greed, poor communication, lack of understanding or problem solving, ill health, third parties and others. Most spiritual, emotional, and relational issues have a history that reveals patterns that needs to be addressed. Accepting the history is awareness of the past hurt. Addressing the past hurt is an effort to recognize and to better manage or reconcile the troublesome past and therefore stop repeating patterns of distress. Acceptance becomes fuel that produces change. “Blessed is he who has regard for the weak; the Lord delivers him in times of trouble” (Psalm 41:1).

Resolve past issues: An unresolved issue may mean that part of a person’s soul is still living in the past. When a person struggles, he or she experiences some part of themselves being injured or cut-off. This hurtful part can remain stuck in the original state in which it was hurt. It’s as if the person has left that part of themselves behind, still feeling alone, fearful, and overwhelmed in the present. “I confess my iniquity; I am troubled by my sin” (Psalm 38:18). These relational, emotional, and spiritual needs can receive the grace and truth from God and others that brings the hurting parts of the past into the present, and from the immature or wounded state, into maturity and healing.

Re-experiencing trauma: When trauma is re-experienced, past and present is one. Often, as people feel safe in a growth context, their past will come back with a vengeance. The safety of love, grace, and structure makes it possible for them to bear what was previously unbearable. The goal is to take disturbing flashbacks into memories that are not disruptive and frightening. “Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He delivered them from their distress” (Psalm 107:6).

Forgiveness requires a past: Relationships have history. Many relationships have complex, severe, and enduring conflict. Changes in situations like financial state, physical health, and the influence of other family members can have a profound influence on the conduct, responses and actions of the individuals in a relationship. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts” (Psalm 139:23). Emotions are the target and the agent of change. Getting a better understanding of the past and accepting it as both as a fact as well as resolving the fractured parts of ourselves is the key to forgiving and living in the present. Forgiveness brings healing. When we forgive, we cancel the debt of another, and we are free to live without the need for revenge. When we receive forgiveness, we experience God’s freedom from our sin and guilt. Overcoming the hurts in the past ensures a better today. Be a person who uses the element of time to be willing to expose yourself to the same growth experiences repeatedly until you internalize them.