Fear’s effect on Anger

Fear is an emotion brought about by a perceived threat. Fear is the ability to recognize danger leading to an urge to confront it or flee from it. In more extreme cases of horror and terror, the response of fear is to freeze. Most of us identify fear in openly or obvious weak characteristics such as shyness, cowering, or intimidation. Fear is the inner insecurity that inhibits us from living in the healthy ways we know we should. Fear is not one-dimensional. It can be expressed with a false sense of courage, excessive talking, workaholism, lying, and others.

Fear causes defensiveness: Fear is revealed in cover-ups and phoniness. It keeps us from being fully honest about who we are, prompting us instead to project false or only partially true images of ourselves. Perhaps the most reliable way to identify fear is by defensiveness. Defensiveness includes any resistance tactic intended to shield ourselves from perceived threats. Defense occurs most commonly in personal relations in the following three categories including denial, evasiveness, and reversal.

Denial is a refusal to acknowledge personal problems or tensions. In most cases denial is subconscious; avoiding issues. When a negative trait such as irritability is exposed, the person immediately excuses it by saying, “I’m normally not this way. I really have an optimistic spirit.” The inherent fear in denial is that our humanness or vulnerability might be discovered and held against us.

Evasiveness is different from denial in that evasiveness is driven by a conscious element of fear, while denial involves subconscious self-deception. Evasiveness is a deliberate deception of others. When we act evasively we are specifically choosing to avoid the responsibility of meeting problems head on. A worker disagrees with his boss’s policy decision. But instead of openly talking about it with the supervisor, he instead complains to others. When we are evasive we may be fearfully wondering, “What if I say the wrong thing? You might not like if I tell you what I really feel. I am inadequately equipped to discuss personal matters.” Evasiveness is a mark of personal insecurity and a lack of trust in others.   

Reversal is more openly combative. It is driven by the idea that the best way to protect yourself is to keep others on the defensive. When we use reversal techniques, we assume others are out to get us, so we become offensive.  When a ten year old girl tells her mom she is hurt because her mother’s harsh words, the mother replies, “Well maybe next time you’ll show more respect and this won’t happen.”

Becoming authentic: The opposite of fear is open authenticity. This means while we are wise enough to balance self-disclosures we are also willing to make ourselves known as common sense allows. Authentic living is without pretense; our external lives are consistent with our internal lives. To be authentic we must like ourselves; who we are. Authenticity will reduce your inclination toward anger. You will be less annoyed at others’ feelings or reactions because you would not be so consumed with keeping your guard up. By letting go of fearful behaviors, when legitimate anger does arise, it is not tainted by excessive insecurities. Defense mechanisms are counter-productive. Which one of these three, denial, evasiveness, or reversal, best describes you?