The Many Faces of Anger

Anger is one of the most energy draining emotions we wrestle with. It can take over us before we fully realize it. Anger has many faces. Sometimes it’s just an irritation, or things get said we wish later, we hadn’t said. Sometimes anger comes out with such force that it results in hostile actions. The issue is in how we handle anger.

·         Three Harmful Ways of Managing Anger: Suppressing Anger is denial. People who suppress their emotions never want to appear weak or inferior, so they stubbornly maintain an outer front of having it all together. Open Aggression is exploding.  A major reason is too much emotional energy is spent on trivial matters that simply won’t go away. Another reason is personal insecurity. They are so needy in wanting respect they take this normal desire too far. Passive Aggression is caused by a need to have control and is engaged in a battle of superiority, but done in a quiet manner. By contrast, the following are two healthy choices of managing anger:

·         Assertive Anger: If anger is defined as preserving personal worth, needs, and convictions, then assertive anger means preservation is accomplished while considering the needs and feelings of others. This form of anger can actually help relationships grow. It represents a mark of personal maturity and stability. True assertive is not abrasive, nor is it meant to harm. The Bible gives a green light to assertiveness by telling us “Be angry, and do not sin” (Ephesians 4:26). This means there can be times when it is healthy to address concerns about personal worth, needs, and convictions, but is should be done in a manner that keeps the door open for ongoing love.  

As you communicate your needs and convictions, what will you need to do to ensure that your behavior is assertive rather than aggressive?

·         Dropping Anger:  There are times when you can have appropriate convictions to communicate yet, assertiveness may not work. Or it could be you have succeeded in making as many adjustments as possible in your world, yet imperfections continue to haunt you. At this point, it is best to drop your anger. Dropping your anger means you accept your inability to completely control circumstances and you realize your personal limits. This includes tolerance of differences as well as choosing to forgive. If you are resentful of the way someone has treated you, if you are holding it against that person, hoping you can retaliate or get back, you need to ask God to free you from that bondage. Bondage means you have given your freedom over to another person. Begin by asking God forgiveness for excusing and cultivating that deep root of bitterness within your heart and be free from bondage. 

The Spirit of God empowers the Christian believer to overcome the worse conditions in life: “you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you” (Acts 1:8).  Respond to the following statement: The thing that would help me most in dropping my anger would be (for instance, accepting the truth that others will be imperfect).