Why Anger Remains

Gaining new insights is important. Applying teaching and instruction to your life is also necessary to change and grow. Examine the following destructive patterns of thinking, and behaviors that are preventing you from overcoming anger that lingers:

·         Rationalizations: Facing reality is difficult. You may really want to change but resist the idea of hard work. It requires persistent effort and willingness to restructure the thoughts and perceptions that guide and direct each of us. Instead of admitting that we have chosen to react in anger, we would rather believe, “My anger is in me because of someone else’s problems.”   

·         A painful past: Most people with long-standing anger problems have a history full of emotional pain. To get beyond a painful past, we must humbly admit our inability to control others. This requires us to accept a difficult notion: pain is inevitable, cannot be fully controlled or eliminated, and sometimes is almost unbearable. You cannot control the past, but you can choose a new direction for yourself. “Have mercy on me, O Lord, for I call to you all day long. Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul” (Psalm 86:3-4). 

·         Unforgiveness: We cling to anger because forgiveness seems to let others off the hook too easily. Certainly the person being forgiven can choose to feel a sense of relief and can decide to mend his or her erroneous ways. However, there is no guarantee this will always occur, but we are still potentially assisting others in their spiritual growth when we choose to forgive. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32). An ever higher motive to forgive is that it pleases God when we yield to His guidance. Forgiveness honors Him.

·         It isn’t fair: You ask for more trouble when you require fairness as a prerequisite for anger management. You may really want to resolve the problem, but in light of the other person’s stubborn ignorance you stay stuck in your anger, waiting for him or her to make the right move. You can move forward, but to do so, you’ll have to drop the idea that things must be fair. The Bible gives us this promise: “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed” (Proverbs 16:3).

·         Anger becomes a habit: Just as we can become addicted to alcohol, food, or materialism, we can also become addicted to anger. Anger can become a core element to identity. It becomes such a familiar habit some people wouldn’t know how to think or act without it. To reduce anger, take responsibility by allowing God to guide your emotions and take personal accountability for your own choices. “Listen, my son, and we wise, and keep your heart on the right path” (Proverbs 23:19).

To overcome anger, avoid the temptation to rationalize your anger. Instead, assume full responsibility for who you are. Make healthy choices for your behavior, despite people, places, and things of the past or the present. Let go of any excuses that keep you tied to unhealthy anger. What patterns of distorted thinking and destructive behaviors are you still seeing in yourself? How can you replace a bad habit with a good habit?