Identifying a Shortage of Healthy Relationships

We were created to be in relationship with each other. God created us to hunger and thirst for love. He uses people to comfort us and to help us grow. But when we need to reach out to someone and those relationships are unsafe, we can be in real spiritual and emotional trouble. These unsafe connections can leave us out of control with no “safety net” to catch us. If our levels of safe people are low, then it results in a “safety –deficiency”. You can evaluate your “safety-deficient” demonstrated in these following areas:

Spiritual Life: Often when we felt the closest to God was when we belonged to good and safe people. Many of us have lost intimacy with God because of other believers who have wounded us in his name. Safety-deficits can cut us off from the closeness to God. Is it difficult for you to open up about your real feelings and problems? Do you feel God is the only person who knows you and loves you?

Physical Health: There is a close relationship between our minds and our bodies. Our physical well-being is a good indicator of our emotional and spiritual life. Stress can affect our health adversely including cancer, chronic headaches, back pain, weight issues, life expectancy and others. Do you prefer to be alone to deal with your issues? Is it hard to see other people as a source of emotional and spiritual support?

Functioning: Work, activity, fun and recreation are all about functioning. It takes lots of energy to function. When surrounded by the wrong people, our “safety-deficiency” is evident in the following symptoms: lapses in concentration, inability to think creatively, inability to take risks, loss of energy and motivation, and failure to achieve goals. Generally speaking, discipline and organization often helps as a solution to plan our time better and have a “stick to it” attitude. Ultimately we cannot be good finishers when our “relational gas tank” is low. Do your personal connections primarily revolve around activities? Do you find people approach you when they need something from you and less simply to spend quality time?

The quality of our important relationships can help to identify the level of safety we are receiving. The following questions will serve as a guide to determine this: Are you the “giver” in your relationships, or is there a mutual give and take? Are your intimate and vulnerable two-way conversations a rarity? Do your relationships withdraw when you are honest about yourself? Invariably are the relationships you choose letting you down over time? When we are in a safe relationship, we are alive and growing. Take your time and use wisdom to make good choices of whom you will invest yourself and then cultivate those relationships to help each other grow.