Change on the inside produces growth on the outside. Often enough, when we think of sin, we think of it outwardly or in external terms. But just as fruit comes from the tree, behavior is rooted internally. What is in the heart comes out in our thoughts, feelings, and actions. “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man” (Proverbs 27:19). Whatever the root will reproduce itself as fruit. Good or bad, whatever is on the inside will someday show itself on the outside. “What comes out of a man is what makes him ‘unclean’. For from within, out of men’s hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance, and folly. All these evils come from inside and make a man unclean’ (Mark 7:20-23). Many illnesses, failures, addictions, relationship difficulties, and destructive behaviors originate from these motivators hidden in the heart.
Life without God: Without God we try to find what we lack by searching for fulfillment in ways other than what He would have us do. Worldly success, work, materialism, and sex are some of the ways of trying to find meaning and purpose in life instead of seeking the One who designed and created life. Jesus had this to say about the religious people of his day: “Now then, you Pharisees clean the outside of the cup and dish, but inside you are full of greed and wickedness. You foolish people! Did not the one who made the outside make the inside also?” (Luke 11:39-40). It boils down to the problem of dependency. Sin is failing to depend on God and refusing His grace, forgiveness, and love. Getting our needs met in any other way besides God is idolatry and it never works. When we turn to God for relationship and depend on Him as the source of healing and growth, we put ourselves in a position to receive from Him. For life to work the way God had intended, we have to see God has the source of life.
The hurt is not the sin: The sin is the way the person deals with the pain and the emptiness. When we look beyond the choices made by others of how they sin and begin looking at why they sin, we can begin to see what is motivating and driving the sin. Things can happen to us because of the sin from another person and from sin in the world. Hurt and unresolved issues can turn into bitterness and addictions. Even though we may not have created all of the struggles and pain we might experience, it is our responsibility to turn to God and to receive His healing power and grace.
Repentance is the key: Repentance is the key that unlocks the door to the heart. When we look into the hidden, deep, and dark areas of ourselves and begin to resolve the issues that we find, will result in real, lasting transformation on the outside. If we are ever going to get well, we need the safety to look inside, confess what we find there, grieve it, and repent of it. “You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off the old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires, to be made new in the attitude of our minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24). We have been made new from the inside out, and that process begins when we face the truth about the ugly things that are inside. “Putting off the old self” requires change. “Putting on the new self” requires you to grow. What needs changing on the inside? How are you depending on God to help you in your transformation from a life of sin to a life of righteousness and holiness?
February 29, 2012
February 22, 2012
Growth and the Blame Game
“Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as He was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, ‘Where are you?’ He answered, ‘I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid.’ And He (God) said ‘Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?’ The man answered, ‘The woman you put here with me - she gave me some fruit from the tree, and I ate it.’ Then the Lord God said to the woman, ‘What is this you have done?’ The woman said, ‘The serpent deceived me, and I ate it” (Genesis 3: 8-13).
Blame from the beginning: Blame is part of mankind’s fall from grace. Instead of taking ownership for what they had done, Adam and Eve tried to shift the responsibility for what they had done, away from themselves. Trying to shift blame does not make us any less accountable. Blame is a human response, but death is human too and the Bible warns us when we try to explain our sin away, we will die. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12). Sin kills and blame gives birth to sin. Blame continues its purpose to keep sin alive to prevent our spiritual growth and maturity. Blame keeps us from the full life that God has planned for each of us.
Getting to the root of motivation of our behavior: Often enough, we try to explain away our behavior for what did or didn’t happen during the growing up years and other past experiences. Others often say things like “I do that because my parents did this or that.” Getting to the roots of the motivations of our behavior and why we blame is very important. It helps to clarify the difference of being a victim and having a victim mentality. Many motivations or driving forces are not our fault: but our behavior ultimately becomes our adult responsibility over time. If a person had been treated poorly by another growing up, and that person now resists and hates all authority, the offense or abuse would explain part of the motivation behind the behavior. But having that background does not explain why he or she chooses to deal with the hurt in destructive manner. The only thing that can explain the motivation of the behavior is a fallen nature.
As we pursue spiritual growth, we submit the hurt and anger to the healing process and work it out without return evil for evil: “Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody"(Romans 12:17). “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). “Working it out” includes seeking healing for the hurt, getting resolution and forgiveness for the anger, and seeking reconciliation with those whom have hurt you as much as possible: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). In dealing with the hurts, issues, difficulties, failures, loss, and other motivations of destructive behavior, we have to remember that there is a difference between what happened to us and the choice we have of how to respond and deal with it.
How has playing the blame game stunted your growth? How has the blame game prevented you from hearing the Holy Spirit?
Blame from the beginning: Blame is part of mankind’s fall from grace. Instead of taking ownership for what they had done, Adam and Eve tried to shift the responsibility for what they had done, away from themselves. Trying to shift blame does not make us any less accountable. Blame is a human response, but death is human too and the Bible warns us when we try to explain our sin away, we will die. “There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death” (Proverbs 14:12). Sin kills and blame gives birth to sin. Blame continues its purpose to keep sin alive to prevent our spiritual growth and maturity. Blame keeps us from the full life that God has planned for each of us.
Getting to the root of motivation of our behavior: Often enough, we try to explain away our behavior for what did or didn’t happen during the growing up years and other past experiences. Others often say things like “I do that because my parents did this or that.” Getting to the roots of the motivations of our behavior and why we blame is very important. It helps to clarify the difference of being a victim and having a victim mentality. Many motivations or driving forces are not our fault: but our behavior ultimately becomes our adult responsibility over time. If a person had been treated poorly by another growing up, and that person now resists and hates all authority, the offense or abuse would explain part of the motivation behind the behavior. But having that background does not explain why he or she chooses to deal with the hurt in destructive manner. The only thing that can explain the motivation of the behavior is a fallen nature.
As we pursue spiritual growth, we submit the hurt and anger to the healing process and work it out without return evil for evil: “Do not repay evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody"(Romans 12:17). “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” (Romans 12:21). “Working it out” includes seeking healing for the hurt, getting resolution and forgiveness for the anger, and seeking reconciliation with those whom have hurt you as much as possible: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18). In dealing with the hurts, issues, difficulties, failures, loss, and other motivations of destructive behavior, we have to remember that there is a difference between what happened to us and the choice we have of how to respond and deal with it.
How has playing the blame game stunted your growth? How has the blame game prevented you from hearing the Holy Spirit?
February 14, 2012
Life through the Spirit
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in sinful man in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit” (Romans 8:1-4).
What Doesn’t Work
The law shows us how we fail. It is ineffective in changing people’s lives. When we are “under the law”, we feel that God is mad at us and that we get what we deserve. We try whatever we think it will take to get God to like us. We try by our own efforts to change, grow and solve our problems. Being under the law is the system of following commandments to be good and acceptable, or not following the commandments and being bad and condemned. This simple formula is no problem. If we know what we “should” do, we should “just do it”, and then we have cured the problem of sin. But the problem is we have a sinful nature and that is a reality we cannot change.
This nature has a desire for the things that are not good for us. Even worse, not only do we have a desire for doing the things against the law, but the law itself arouses in us a passion to do the very thing we shouldn’t do: “So I find the law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members” (Romans 7:21-23). We have a sin nature, and this nature erupts by the commandments. We want to do what we should not do. Three common forms of teaching the law in Christian circles fail with those caught up in something they cannot stop: (1) Insisting they repent with harsh, angry preaching against sin. (2) Legalistic rules to keep people in line. (3) Telling people, even lovingly, that the “way” out is to make better choices. While all of these contain some truth, none of them work because all of them assume a person’s ability to choose rightly. The Bible teaches that this will not work in its self: we have a sin nature and the law arouses a person to sin.
What Does Work
To change in the areas that we want to grow, we must first admit we are unable to change them by ourselves. Trying to just do better does not work. We are powerless over sin and we need a savior. The law cannot help us but Jesus can. We are set free by having an ongoing relationship with Jesus, who has taken care of the guilt and condemnation of the law. This is the Good News: He replaces living by the law with living by the Spirit. While the law sets us up for failure, the Spirit sets us up for success. This means we begin to live according to relationship with the Holy Spirit that lives in us and through us and not the law. To repent means to change but more is required for change to be effective. We must live in alignment with the guidance and direction of the Spirit: we must hear and do what He says. He searches our hearts and shows us what to change. He leads and directs us to truth. He guards and guides us making known He is always there. He gives us gifts and abilities to do what we need to do. He teaches us and helps us in every area of life. He corrects us and convicts us when we are tempted. Begin to enter in the whole process of spiritual growth. Have an overall attitude towards transformation. God has already given you everything you need to succeed. Remember it is a process that takes time and requires discipline: “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised” (Hebrews 6:12).
What Doesn’t Work
The law shows us how we fail. It is ineffective in changing people’s lives. When we are “under the law”, we feel that God is mad at us and that we get what we deserve. We try whatever we think it will take to get God to like us. We try by our own efforts to change, grow and solve our problems. Being under the law is the system of following commandments to be good and acceptable, or not following the commandments and being bad and condemned. This simple formula is no problem. If we know what we “should” do, we should “just do it”, and then we have cured the problem of sin. But the problem is we have a sinful nature and that is a reality we cannot change.
This nature has a desire for the things that are not good for us. Even worse, not only do we have a desire for doing the things against the law, but the law itself arouses in us a passion to do the very thing we shouldn’t do: “So I find the law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members” (Romans 7:21-23). We have a sin nature, and this nature erupts by the commandments. We want to do what we should not do. Three common forms of teaching the law in Christian circles fail with those caught up in something they cannot stop: (1) Insisting they repent with harsh, angry preaching against sin. (2) Legalistic rules to keep people in line. (3) Telling people, even lovingly, that the “way” out is to make better choices. While all of these contain some truth, none of them work because all of them assume a person’s ability to choose rightly. The Bible teaches that this will not work in its self: we have a sin nature and the law arouses a person to sin.
What Does Work
To change in the areas that we want to grow, we must first admit we are unable to change them by ourselves. Trying to just do better does not work. We are powerless over sin and we need a savior. The law cannot help us but Jesus can. We are set free by having an ongoing relationship with Jesus, who has taken care of the guilt and condemnation of the law. This is the Good News: He replaces living by the law with living by the Spirit. While the law sets us up for failure, the Spirit sets us up for success. This means we begin to live according to relationship with the Holy Spirit that lives in us and through us and not the law. To repent means to change but more is required for change to be effective. We must live in alignment with the guidance and direction of the Spirit: we must hear and do what He says. He searches our hearts and shows us what to change. He leads and directs us to truth. He guards and guides us making known He is always there. He gives us gifts and abilities to do what we need to do. He teaches us and helps us in every area of life. He corrects us and convicts us when we are tempted. Begin to enter in the whole process of spiritual growth. Have an overall attitude towards transformation. God has already given you everything you need to succeed. Remember it is a process that takes time and requires discipline: “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised” (Hebrews 6:12).
February 8, 2012
Winning the War over Sin
We are born with a sinful nature. The Bible tells us we are responsible for our sin, we are accountable, and there are consequences: “For the wages of sin are death” (Romans 6:23a). Many well-meaning Christians will tell you to stop sinning and make better choices: just choose differently, do better and be successful. After all, God gave us a free will to make better choices and we are to follow Him and His ways. We make choices, but all the while we don’t really have freedom: we are held responsible.
The other side of the problem is the Bible tells us that we cannot avoid the problems we find ourselves in and that we cannot change ourselves once we are in them. Paul writes that we are powerless and a slave to sin: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15). So we are responsible for our sin and yet we are unable to change. We find ourselves in a moral dilemma so what can we do? We turn to the One who is the remedy: Jesus. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:1-2). This is the Good news: Jesus frees us from the prison of sin. When we realize that we are unable to free ourselves and we are powerless and responsible, we seek help outside of ourselves.
To summarize, we have a problem and the problem is we are sinners. Second, we are also responsible, and accountable for our sin. Third, we are unable to do anything about it, in and of ourselves. Trying to do better does not work. Fourth, Jesus is the solution providing the only way to change through the gift of salvation with grace and truth.
It is important to mention not all growth issues are the result of our own sin. All too often, people are often blamed for pain and struggles which they did not create. Other people sin against us and we live in a fallen world where there is suffering. When asked what sin caused a certain man to be blind from birth, Jesus said, “neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:3). Some things we just do not understand: “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law” (Deuteronomy 29:29).
We cannot stop sinning: we must be saved from it. Winning the war over sin includes the entire growth process itself as we are empowered by the Spirit. To achieve victory we need to change fully in all areas of life as we commit to the life of the Spirit. We begin when we admit we are powerless over sin: Confess your inability and submit to God’s authority over your life. Receive God’s forgiveness and forgive others. Ask others for help, receiving their support and encouragement. As you fail, repent and stay plugged into a supportive environment where you can overcome your fears and come out of denial. Seek healing for the hurting parts of yourself. As you do these things, long standing patterns of harmful behavior begins to change. Make sure you have a view of sin that is not just your external behavior but also the internal sin in your heart and mind.
The other side of the problem is the Bible tells us that we cannot avoid the problems we find ourselves in and that we cannot change ourselves once we are in them. Paul writes that we are powerless and a slave to sin: “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do” (Romans 7:15). So we are responsible for our sin and yet we are unable to change. We find ourselves in a moral dilemma so what can we do? We turn to the One who is the remedy: Jesus. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God” (Romans 5:1-2). This is the Good news: Jesus frees us from the prison of sin. When we realize that we are unable to free ourselves and we are powerless and responsible, we seek help outside of ourselves.
To summarize, we have a problem and the problem is we are sinners. Second, we are also responsible, and accountable for our sin. Third, we are unable to do anything about it, in and of ourselves. Trying to do better does not work. Fourth, Jesus is the solution providing the only way to change through the gift of salvation with grace and truth.
It is important to mention not all growth issues are the result of our own sin. All too often, people are often blamed for pain and struggles which they did not create. Other people sin against us and we live in a fallen world where there is suffering. When asked what sin caused a certain man to be blind from birth, Jesus said, “neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life” (John 9:3). Some things we just do not understand: “The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law” (Deuteronomy 29:29).
We cannot stop sinning: we must be saved from it. Winning the war over sin includes the entire growth process itself as we are empowered by the Spirit. To achieve victory we need to change fully in all areas of life as we commit to the life of the Spirit. We begin when we admit we are powerless over sin: Confess your inability and submit to God’s authority over your life. Receive God’s forgiveness and forgive others. Ask others for help, receiving their support and encouragement. As you fail, repent and stay plugged into a supportive environment where you can overcome your fears and come out of denial. Seek healing for the hurting parts of yourself. As you do these things, long standing patterns of harmful behavior begins to change. Make sure you have a view of sin that is not just your external behavior but also the internal sin in your heart and mind.
February 7, 2012
Identifying false solutions to finding healthy relationships
There are seven false attitudes and actions we “do” to finding safe relationships. These are things “not to do” because they increase conflict, hurt and isolation.
• Doing the Same Thing: When we neglect the past, we are doomed to repeat it. Because we have learned “familiarity” and we are “comfortable” with the behavior patterns from past relationships, we can get stuck into a cycle and repeat history. We have to look at the signs, results and fruit the relationship is producing and ask ourselves, if we are repeating a pattern of picking the same, unsafe people.
• Doing the Opposite: Many times we tend to make extreme moves based on pain and confusion. We switch our problems with new problems! This is a dynamic called “splitting”. We see our relationships as “all-good” and another as “all-bad”. This is a black-and-white way of relating to others. We can learn to identify the unsafe traits in people, and see them more for “just their badness” and work on developing the relationship, instead of “trading in” for a new one.
• Doing too Much: Keeping busy with activities can be important to develop skills or for entertainment and recreation purposes. But in just “doing things”, we tend to avoid closeness and miss relationship connection opportunities.
• Doing Nothing: Some people are unable to take the initiative to start and develop new relationships. They know what to do, but they cannot follow through. They may have some abandonment issue, or were some how punished for taking initiative. Some people are passive because they were trained not to do anything until told to do so. They may be passive because of low self-esteem or have some fantasy and want to be rescued. If we want to connect with those that have our best interest, we must take steps to be pro-active and take a risk and try new relationships.
• Doing for Others: Always being the “giver” and “doing things”, sometimes keeps us from being in touch with our own needs. God wants us to give, serve and help others but not out of our emptiness, loneliness or need to be loved. We are to give out of a grateful heart. Our motives will dictate our behavior. Finding Safe People is not a search for a ministry, but a search for spiritual survival. It is not a way to be useful, but a vital part of growth.
• Doing “Cosmetic Personality Surgery”: To be true to one’s self is who you are in your heart. If we try to spice up our social life by people pleasing and pretending to like things we really don’t like, then we are making “external connections” only. To be “internally connected”, we have the freedom to be the unique person God created us to be without fears and anxiety.
• Doing Without: God hurts for our loneliness. After we have tried all of the other false solutions, we start giving up on hope for a safe relationship. God wants us to know there is a path of life. His path is safe and He will walk it with us (see Psalm 16:11).
• Doing the Same Thing: When we neglect the past, we are doomed to repeat it. Because we have learned “familiarity” and we are “comfortable” with the behavior patterns from past relationships, we can get stuck into a cycle and repeat history. We have to look at the signs, results and fruit the relationship is producing and ask ourselves, if we are repeating a pattern of picking the same, unsafe people.
• Doing the Opposite: Many times we tend to make extreme moves based on pain and confusion. We switch our problems with new problems! This is a dynamic called “splitting”. We see our relationships as “all-good” and another as “all-bad”. This is a black-and-white way of relating to others. We can learn to identify the unsafe traits in people, and see them more for “just their badness” and work on developing the relationship, instead of “trading in” for a new one.
• Doing too Much: Keeping busy with activities can be important to develop skills or for entertainment and recreation purposes. But in just “doing things”, we tend to avoid closeness and miss relationship connection opportunities.
• Doing Nothing: Some people are unable to take the initiative to start and develop new relationships. They know what to do, but they cannot follow through. They may have some abandonment issue, or were some how punished for taking initiative. Some people are passive because they were trained not to do anything until told to do so. They may be passive because of low self-esteem or have some fantasy and want to be rescued. If we want to connect with those that have our best interest, we must take steps to be pro-active and take a risk and try new relationships.
• Doing for Others: Always being the “giver” and “doing things”, sometimes keeps us from being in touch with our own needs. God wants us to give, serve and help others but not out of our emptiness, loneliness or need to be loved. We are to give out of a grateful heart. Our motives will dictate our behavior. Finding Safe People is not a search for a ministry, but a search for spiritual survival. It is not a way to be useful, but a vital part of growth.
• Doing “Cosmetic Personality Surgery”: To be true to one’s self is who you are in your heart. If we try to spice up our social life by people pleasing and pretending to like things we really don’t like, then we are making “external connections” only. To be “internally connected”, we have the freedom to be the unique person God created us to be without fears and anxiety.
• Doing Without: God hurts for our loneliness. After we have tried all of the other false solutions, we start giving up on hope for a safe relationship. God wants us to know there is a path of life. His path is safe and He will walk it with us (see Psalm 16:11).
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