Obedience helps us grow

To grow spiritually, we must be God directed, not self-directed. The choice to follow God’s direction becomes a lifestyle of trusting Him and pursuing His ways. We cannot grow spiritually without obedience. Obedience has to do with submitting our purpose, values, and choices to God. Obedience integrates all of life, encompassing all of us, both the internal (character) and the external (behavior). The Bible teaches and guides us in all areas of life: money, ministry, gifts, marriage, sex, and so on. Emotional, relational and personal growth relates to spiritual growth as we develop Christ like character qualities. Obedience requires an object. We need to know whom and what to obey. The following are sources to help us grow:

The Commands in the Bible are a foundational source for growth in obedience. The Bible has a great number of universal commands, laws, and principles for how to live our lives. The Ten Commandments (see Exodus 20:3-17) and the two Great Commandments given to us by Jesus, (see Matthew 2:36-40) sum up the Law. Reading the Bible and Bible study are very valuable and helpful ways to understand about God’s laws and principles of how things work in His Kingdom and what is required from us. When we are meditating on God’s Word, the Holy Spirit will give us direction and understanding. The Holy Spirit not only guides us to truth and the revelation of God’s Word, but also directs those who seek His guidance to specific areas of obedience (see Mark 13:11). For example He may direct a person to take a risk in a relationship and deepen emotional intimacy in some area.

Authority is a system designed by God and helps us to grow. We should follow the leadership of the church and its teachers, as long as it is biblical appropriate. For example, a small group leader might have insights and suggestions that can help us through personal issues. Another source is God places people in our life to help us grow. God speaks to us in safe relationships through which He may direct us to confront an issue, confess some brokenness, or deal with some problem or circumstance. Also, be aware that God may arrange events to help you grow in perseverance through difficult circumstances and issues. These different sources of instruction are not in conflict or fragmented. God is One, and the universal meaning of One is unity. He is integrated without conflict or contradiction. If you sense conflicts in the above areas and are not sure how to obey God, ask God to help you find His voice among the many. Look for conformation through other biblical leaders and teachings. Always allow for God’s timing and that the process of change and growth takes time.

The person who is growing needs to understand the importance of obedience. The following are the essential tasks for the grower: Surrender to the Lordship of Christ. The more you surrender your life to His authority and care, the more you are living life the way God had designed it to work. Follow Him Daily. Look at obedience as a daily and continuous process. Watch out for compartmentalizing your growth, going from one small group meeting to the next. Always keep your heart attentive to what God might be saying to you in the Bible, by the Spirit, from His people, or in circumstances. Deal with your character issues. Obeying God is being honest about sin and your inabilities, confessing them, turning from them, and then turning towards God for the answers.

Failure helps us grow

The life that God would have for us requires obedience to His ways. Obedience is more than simply adhering to specific commands, but rather a way of life that will bring you good fruit and good success. Obedience therefore, is for our own good. Life works better if it belongs to God. The more you surrender your life to His authority and care, the more you are living life as He has designed. For some, making Christ Lord of your life is a clear and defined decision. For others, it is a gradual process of increasingly surrendering your life to Him. Either way, spiritual growth leads you towards making God the center and purpose of your life.

Growth is a process and we sin and fail in many ways. God has taken this into consideration in His growth plan for us. God uses our failures to help restore, grow and mature us. Even though seemingly unfair to some, the reality is we are going to fail and because it is our free will and choice to do so, it is our fault. Sin and immaturity cause us to miss the mark of God’s standard for life. Several spiritual growth approaches try to resolve this dilemma. Some may believe we do not have to fail. We can always be victorious in Jesus by truly making Him Lord of our lives. This approach concludes the person who fails has not totally surrendered themselves to God. It is reasonable to say that this sometimes can be the case, but the reasoning here denies the reality that we are sinners throughout life (see Romans 7:15-19). Supporters to this school of thought do not fully accept that the struggle with sin is a part of the human experience. Another group teaches that the presence of sin is a sign of spiritual immaturity: it is not a surrender issue, but a growth issue. The reasoning here is the more you grow, the less you sin. Therefore the mature person does not sin a lot. While we are always learning and growing, and that we should become more righteous as we mature, the Bible teaches that personal sin will always be present, as in the case of the chief of sinners, the very mature apostle Paul himself (see 1Timothy 1:15). Still yet another group tries to resolve this dilemma by addressing the nature of failure itself. They admit failure happens but that the failure isn’t so bad and that the sin and mistakes are not significant. This is a weak view of sin (see Romans 6:23). A similar teaching believes that though we fail, it really isn’t our fault. Instead of taking responsibility for one’s own sin, the blame goes to those who have taught us and made us who we are: our parents, hurtful relationships, society, the Devil, or even God Himself. Yet we often fail simply because we choose to, and we are ultimately accountable for our decisions and choices (see 2Corithians 5:10).

The Bible’s teaching is much stricter than the approaches above. The reality is we fail, we have a problem we cannot solve, and that we are held accountable. However, the good news is that this dilemma leads us straight into the arms of Jesus. His death is the redemption of our sin and weaknesses. Throughout life we learn to strengthen our faith in His love and forgiveness without resorting to our own efforts. In this sense, our failures bear fruit in a deeper walk with Him. “We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making His appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf; be reconciled to God. God made Him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God” (2Cornthians 5:20-21). We need to be aware of all failure when it arises, and be in a safe place to address it.

Understanding Obedience

For many people, obeying God and the Bible is a life of being deprived of doing any “fun stuff.” They see God as a cosmic kill joy, withholding any pleasure out of life. They would have to adhere to rules and be self-disciplined. Obedience is at the core of spiritual growth. Obedience does not come naturally; in fact, obedience is anything but easy or simple. In the Bible, to obey means to hear and do. Hearing and doing are deeply interrelated: “It is the Lord your God you must follow and Him you must revere (worthy of great honor). Keep His commands and obey (hear) Him; serve Him and hold fast to Him” (Deut. 13:4). When we hear God as He is, rather than as we desire Him to be, we move toward consistent obedience. For us to grow spiritually, we must be God directed, not self-directed. The choice to follow God becomes a life style and your life’s direction. Obedience is to look outside of self for purpose, values, and decisions. We come to the place after the world has taken its toll on us, and we accept that our way does not work, and that God’s way is the best way to experience life. As we conduct life the way God would have us do it, life works better. Obedience is for our own good. We cannot live apart from God because He is the reason for living.

Obedience integrates all of life, encompasses all of us, both inside and out. Obedience has to do with submitting our bodies, soul (mind, will & emotions), and spirit to the leading of the Holy Spirit and Jesus as Lord. Obedience has to do with learning about your character weaknesses and dealing with them. God asks for no less than total commitment: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment” (Mark 22:37-38). There is nothing more important and nothing more demanding. It requires our total being which then saves our lives. “For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me and for the gospel will save it” (Mark 8:35).

Obedience operates through the process of confession and repentance and keeps us on the growth path. For example, most people who avoid deep connections with others have trust issues. They may want to connect but have fears of being hurt or controlled. They want to play it safe but then they become lonely. This conflict disrupts our relationships at work, marriage and friendships. As we enter into the growth process with safe people, we become aware of these two conflicted areas of the heart. Here is where the two types of obedience help us heal and grow: We can begin to commit to the external behavior of staying in contact with people like a church small group. This external commitment keeps us from isolating ourselves and avoiding the loneliness. At the same time, we obey internally by confessing the fears of closeness and the desire to be distant (see James 5:16). As we do this in the safe place of trustworthy friends, we receive their support and encouragement to help integrate the two conflicted areas. We repent by turning from our old ways and begin learning new skills and abilities like boundaries so we set limits on others so we won’t be controlled. We learn to be vulnerable and yet free in our relationships. This is why people pursuing spiritual growth often feel as if they have “come alive” when they see that God speaks to their emotional, personal, and relational lives as well as their spiritual lives. This external and internal nature of obedience helps us to grow up. It helps us to integrate different parts of our character that conflict with one another.

How to develop Spiritual Poverty

The more we are in need, the more God can grow us up. Spiritual poverty is a requirement for spiritual growth. Becoming poor in spirit is one of the most unnatural things we can do. It is the opposite of being victorious and “having it all together.” Yet it is our only hope for spiritual growth. Our task is to accept that we already are poor and in need, whether we already know it or not. It is better to seek this quality ourselves than be forced to face it by difficult circumstances. The following are some ways we can develop this internal capacity: 

Ask God to show you where you are weak. Being in touch with your spiritual poverty is a gift from Him because you can begin to partner with God during the growth process and because it accomplishes the purposes of His kingdom. To grow closer to God, ask Him to bless you with spiritual poverty for “theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3). 

Be honest. Look closely at those negative things you might be avoiding. Take a truthful look at your past and present life. Look for patterns of avoiding pain, denying problems, staying away from hurtful people, and trying to put a positive spin on negative things in your life. Be honest about tendencies to shy away from need and to move towards self-sufficiency. Realize that spiritual poverty is actually a blessed state and the only way to receive God’s growth and healing. Adopt that attitude towards yourself and God.

Read what the Bible has to say about spiritual poverty. Look up terms such as poor in spirit, needy, and brokenhearted, and learn what the Bible teaches about them. Look up the dynamics of God’s relationship with Israel in the Old Testament. God was not pleased when Israel was rebellious and unconcerned with His ways. When Israel cried out for help and mercy, God was tender and listened to them. Notice the difference how Jesus dealt with those who were wanting and needy, and those who thought very highly of themselves like the Pharisees, the religious people of His day. The Bible provides a great amount of evidence that spiritual poverty is an essential element of growth.

Ask for feedback from others. A common characteristic of hungry people is that they surround themselves with others to help them with their dependency towards God. For them, the Christian life is one in which people get together, share their vulnerabilities, and fill each other up. Begin to own your issues of weakness and neediness and ask God and others to help work them out. Confess and admit you can’t change them in your own power, and that you need outside resources to help you.

Seek out your brokenness with your whole heart. Let the experience affect the heart, not just be another lesson of the mind. Realizing our condition before God is an overwhelmingly emotional experience, involving negative feelings such as dependence, grief, and remorse. Our goal is to become integrated, having the heart and the head in agreement with each other. Seeking this experience is seeking God: “But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul” (Deuteronomy 4:29). God likes our neediness. Take a step of faith and open your soul to God and safe people. Spiritual poverty is the only way to be filled with what He has for us.            

Spiritual Poverty helps us Grow

To come to know Jesus and have faith in Him, we must first admit we are broken. Spiritual poverty therefore, is required for saving faith. No one can become a Christian who does not admit, at some level, that they are lost and hopeless to free themselves from the bondages and penalty of sin. (See Romans 3:22-23). However, what often happens is that we accept Christ as Savior because of our brokenness, and then we live our Christian lives as if we were whole. Just as much as we have God dwelling inside us, every one of us still has unfinished parts that need to become mature and complete. This is the process of being sanctified that is, set apart, and become more like Jesus in righteousness and holiness. This is why the Bible teaches us to continue in the faith walk as we began it: “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him” (Colossians 2:6). Spiritual poverty is a rich part of the spiritual growth process. Here is how:

Poverty drives hunger. Spiritual poverty develops a hunger for God. Spiritual poverty drives us to find solutions for our neediness and ultimately, to develop a total dependence on God. Those who know they are truly needy are more motivated to look beyond themselves to the Lord. For example those in need often become humble in spirit because of their difficulties. For them, it is a short step to finding God in many ways. There is a strong correlation between those who are humble and those who seek God. You can’t stop a needy person from grasping onto God, while many people in less severe circumstances easily fall away. This is a paradox in the Bible: the more broken we are, the more God can grow us up. Spiritual poverty helps us to establish a loving and worshipful relationship with God and His ways.

Relationship is the fuel of life. Spiritual poverty keeps us living relationally with others. One of the blessings of spiritual poverty is that it helps restore to us God’s design of a relationally based life. Spiritual poverty and brokenheartedness drive us to emotional connectedness, both to God and to safe people. We grow when we maintain deep, vulnerable relationships with others. We need to internalize great amounts of relationship throughout our lifetime to persevere and to grow.

Either we are moving forward or backward. Spiritual poverty does not allow us to stay shallow. We don’t “arrive” in the faith, though we do mature and change. Spiritual poverty helps us grow deeper into truth. As we grow with a thirst and hunger for God and connecting with others, spiritual poverty provokes us to move beyond spiritual immaturity into a deeper walk of faith. This deeper walk takes us into many areas: the mysteries of God’s nature, the wonders of the Bible, the complexities of our own character, personality, and issues: and the intricacies of the intimate relationships with others. Spiritual poverty guides us to specific growth areas. God makes seekers out of us. Seekers tend to look in many directions for answers and help. They pray and ask God for insight and wisdom about their condition. They search the Bible. They ask mature people for counsel. Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened” (Luke 11:9-10). God promises those who seek will find what they are looking for, all in His timing.

Elements for Growth

Just as a plant needs sunlight, water, and soil to grow, we need elements to grow emotionally, relationally and spiritually. Grace invites us into relationship, tells us we are forgiven and accepted. Truth gives us structure and direction that tells us we have purpose and destiny. Time allows for growth so we can practice grace and process truth. Independently these elements are not sufficient for complete growth. When these elements work together, we can grow more fully into the image of God. 

God knows the real you, and loves you anyway. Grace forgives us of all our sins, saves us from eternal death, gives us an inheritance in heaven, makes us one with Christ, imparts His divine nature, gives us His Spirit, and blesses us with every spiritual blessing. We find acceptance from God because of what Jesus did on the cross: unmerited favor and forgiveness through salvation. Grace is much more than just being forgiven. Not only is grace is unconditional, unbroken, uninterrupted, and unearned love that accepts into relationship, but grace is God’s empowerment. We are saved and stay saved by grace and we can also live like Christ. Grace gives us the desire and the power to please God and live righteously. Grace is reflected and can be seen in the life of a believer.  God’s grace divinely influences the heart and the inward change from faith, transforms our outward behavior.

Truth is necessary for growing up in the image of God. Truth is structure and gives us guidance of how to live our lives. Truth brings awareness. It exposes us for what we really are. The heart is deceitful but truth reveals the motive behind the action, attitude, and feeling. Truth develops and cultivates maturity, discipline, responsibility and stability. Our tendency is to hide the “unsafe” parts of us that are undeveloped. As we passionately seek truth in our “inner being”, we learn to hate what He hates and loves what He loves. “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work” (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Grace sanctifies us and makes us Holy in the sight of God. But we are not to take God’s gift of grace for granted. While grace provides love and acceptance, grace without truth is license. “You my brothers were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature” (Galatians 5:13).  For truth to be accepted, we must first accept grace. The law points us to Jesus because He offers us the plan of redemption. If we do not allow God to live in our hearts, we cannot be changed into His image and in essence we become religious by obtaining only the knowledge of God. Truth without grace is legalism or the law. The law says: an eye for an eye. I will treat you the way you treat me. If you are loveable, I will love you. If you are not lovable, I will withdraw my love. The law is conditional and is based on performance rather than favor. Grace and truth are designed by God to work together. Our God is “full of grace and truth” (John 1:14). If we are “being transformed into His likeness” (see 2 Corinthians 3:18) then we are taking on the character and nature of God. When we think like God and talk like Jesus, we are imitators of God and we will not live like non-believers of the world. Living in grace and truth is having the ability to walk in the power of God’s nature by proclaiming with words, the message of the Word of God.

Time is a necessary element for growing up in the image of God. When time is combined with God’s grace into relationship and truth for direction for our lives, we have all the elements to not only be healed but to grow (bear fruit). An infant, for example, cannot handle solid food until their digestive system has had time to develop. The concrete foundation of a house needs to harden before the frame can be added. How you live your life shows your character. We live in a culture that loves short cuts. Most often short cuts result in failure. “Easy come, easy go” as some would say. Satan offers quick get rich schemes; God offers the blessings of long-time faithfulness. Diet fads are tempting with quick weight loss, but such diets do not develop the long-term discipline needed to maintain weight loss. Drugs and alcohol offer relief from pain and suffering but do not build character and stability. Anything worth having takes energy or some type of cost. “We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised” (Hebrews 6:12). Growth comes with confession, forgiveness, and consistency. Deep growth and meaningful relationships come with much effort, over and over, and over again.

Believe it, think it, and say it: I believe the Word of God that I am perfectly loved, accepted, forgiven, blessed and set apart for His special purpose. Grace and truth is working in me. In His perfect timing, He will finish what He started. I live by the promises of God, and by the Holy Spirit strengthening me today, In Jesus’ name,  Amen.

Understanding Spiritual Poverty

Spiritual poverty is experiencing the reality of our condition. But many do not believe that a major reason to grow is that we are in a deep and severe state of neediness and incompleteness. Yet the Bible teaches that all of us are in this state. Paul’s personal anguish over his inability to do the right thing (Romans 7:15-24) illustrates how much every person needs God’s grace and mercy. Not everyone is aware of his or her neediness, however some are. Jesus described those who are aware of their neediness as poor in spirit: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 5:3).

Spiritual poverty helps us to live in reality: When we are comfortably independent, it is easy to avoid our need for God. Spiritual poverty is about living in reality. A good way to understand this is to think of spiritual poverty as experiencing our state of incompleteness before God. This can be due to weaknesses, unfulfilled needs, emotional injuries and hurts at the hands of others, and our own immaturities and sins. It has to do with those parts of ourselves that are not what they should be and that we cannot repair in our own strength. When people experience their neediness, incompleteness, and dependency at a deep level, that is, the way they really are, they are often over-whelmed. Spiritual poverty then, is the cure for self-righteousness, self-centeredness, and many others problems and issues. When the “eyes of our heart” are opened to the truth, we do not feel better about ourselves; rather we feel something is terribly wrong. Jesus calls this a “blessed” condition because it helps us to recognize that God is our source of healing, and the hope of a better life.

Brokenheartedness: Brokenheartedness is related to spiritual poverty. When our heart is broken, it is a state of being wounded or crushed by some loss, hurt, injustice, situation or circumstance. When a person is downcast because of an emotional, relational, or career injury, he or she is brokenhearted. God has special tenderness for this condition: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18). Brokenheartedness often brings about a sense of our spiritual poverty because it reveals our neediness.

Spiritual poverty helps us grow: Spiritual poverty is a rich part of the spiritual growth process. Spiritual poverty helps us grow because it is literally “lacking in spirit”. The more we are broken, the more God can grow us up. The Greek term for “spirit” used in Matthew 5:3 (“Blessed are the poor in spirit”) is the word indicating the spiritual dimension of life. In other words, the experience of poverty is both practical and spiritual. Awareness of our being incomplete orients us toward God and His ways, where He awaits us with all we need to repair, heal, grow, and mature. Poverty of spirit requires more of us than admitting that we are incomplete and needy. It also affects our entire being, especially our heart. Realizing our condition before God is an overwhelmingly emotional experience involving feelings such as dependence, grief and remorse. Our goal is to become integrated. That is, having the heart and head in alliance with each other. God reminds us time and time again that He likes neediness. Our life experiences might tell us to avoid a needy position. If so, take a faith step and open your soul up to God and safe people because spiritual poverty is the only way to be filled with what He has for us. Can you accept that your neediness is a gift?

We grow as we develop Godly character

The Word of God is our standard in which to live and grow up into. Biblical standards grow out of love (grace), discipline (truth), principles (fundamental law), and character (integrity).  A person’s character is in essence, the features, qualities and traits of one’s nature. There is worldly character and there is Godly character. Godly character is a reflection of God’s own nature. The purpose of character training is that we be transformed to the image of Christ and be His image bearers. Jesus reflects the Father’s image: “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9).

Everyone has three images. The first is the projected image: the way you want others to see you. Second is the perceived image: how other people see you. The third image is your actual image: who you really are. Your character reveals who you really are and your innermost being; all of your thoughts, words, actions, motives, intents, and purposes. Worldly character is prideful with selfish ambition, full of fraud and deceit, boastful and envious.

Bad company corrupts good character. When God’s Word is rejected, and His principles violated, we are left with our own human reasoning and there is no sin that cannot be rationalized away. The Bible tells us what to expect: “In the last times there will be scoffers who follow their own ungodly desires. These are the men who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts and do not have the Spirit” (Jude 1:18-19). The Bible gives this warning to those who refuse to follow His Word: “Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows” (Galatians 6:7).

Grace and truth is the foundation for our growth and development. Grace is the reason for our existence and purpose: loving relationship with God and other people, and taking on His character. Love motivates to do things because we want to, not because we ought to. We are to build our lives on Jesus. “So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in Him, rooted (foundation) and built up in Him (character), strengthened in faith, as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness” (Colossians 2:6-7).

Godly character is the result of the strength of integrity in you. Reputation is what other people know about you. Honor is what you know about yourself. How we live every moment of every day shapes our character and our character determines our future, destiny, and legacy. “Be very careful then, how you live - not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the lord’s will is” (Ephesians 5:15-17).

The Lord’s will for us is that we follow His ways and pursue Him. As we follow, He reveals His plan for us. Along our journey we experience hardships and setbacks. Our experiences in life become our lessons in life. Our setbacks prepare us for a comeback. Our struggles, difficulties, and other challenges are designed by God to lead us towards excellence (virtue) and to develop Godly character. The Bible teaches us to live righteously: “Live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature” (Galatians 5:16).

Suffering is a part of life: it is non-optional. Great adversity brings us a great advantage. We can learn to understand God’s purpose for suffering: God gets our attention. Suffering conquers our pride and keeps us humble. Suffering is God’s call for self-examination and to reevaluate our priorities. Suffering is a reminder of our weakness and our dependence on Him. 


Suffering is a way for God to purify our faith, make us accountable and test our work. God uses our experiences (past) and circumstances (present) to produce character (future). "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4). Every problem and difficulty area of our lives is the environment that God uses for us to excel and to teach how to respond to life’s difficulties.

Seven essential Godly character qualities

The goal of learning should be to develop Godly character. There are three major reasons why we must learn character. First it reveals the nature of Christ who is the perfect fulfillment of each quality. Second, it is the basis for success in life. Third, it explains why things happen to us (principle of cause and effect).  The number seven in the bible refers to spiritual perfection. The following are seven essential Godly character qualities for us to practice.  

Attentiveness:  Attentiveness is giving your attention to what you value. Attentive people are aware of that which is taking place around them so they can have the right response to them. Attentiveness is considerate, polite, and mindful of others.  A person who is attentive is alert and fully aware, quick to understand, watchful and ready to act. “If anyone sets his heart on being an overseer, he desires a noble task. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money” (1 Timothy 3:1-3). People who are involved in personal growth are maturing, and strengthening their own character capacities. God wants us to develop character and He uses difficult people or situations to bring about lessons of character development.

Obedience: Even though we do not fully understand God’s ways, we are to surrender our lives in obedience to Him. Obedience requires availability, not self-centeredness. God is more interested in our availability than our ability. Godly character places values ahead of feelings. It is doing things for the sake of we, instead of it being all about self. “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope – the glorious appearing of our great God and savior, Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good” (Titus 1: 11-14).  Godly character has a transcendence cause: seeing the bigger picture and a larger reality than your own.   

Truthfulness: Truth is real, genuine and authentic. Truthful people adjust themselves to actual facts and reality. “Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment” (Proverbs 12:19). “Let your yes mean yes, and your no mean no.” Godly character is being that who you really are with different people, in different circumstances. Its concern is the motive of the heart, instead of reputation and popularity. Truthful people are honorable in principles and intentions. Their actions are fair, sincere, bold, and honest. “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable - if anything is excellent or praiseworthy - think about such things” (Philippians 4:8). 

Thankfulness:  Gratefulness and appreciation is an expression of thankfulness, that comes from the heart. A thankful heart takes great delight and pleasure in his gift or reward. Thankfulness is much more than an emotion; it requires action. To start, the very least one must verbally express appreciation. To take it up a notch, one would give a hand written note. Better yet is sending a gift or doing something in return. We are thankful for our blessings so we joyfully serve and give to others. God knows we are thankful through enthusiastic worship and a humble, cheerful attitude. “Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord, rejoice” (1Chr 16:10). Worshiping and serving God, and giving to others, touches the heart of God and releases power into your life. Thankfulness follows contentment. A person who is content is satisfied with whatever they have. Be thankful for favor and blessings God has given you instead of focusing on what you don’t have. Have an attitude of gratitude.

Patience: Patience has the ability to be quiet, steady, diligent, and persevere when in difficult circumstances. Patient people are able and willing to endure annoyances, mistakes, and even pain and suffering. Patience is gentleness, persistency, and flexibility.  “Love is patient, love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4). Godly character comes from cultivating daily habits. The result of those habits is evidence in your character. “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22).

Loyalty: Loyalty is determined, supports and serves a purpose or cause. Loyalty is being a faithful and devoted to a person, group, or place (friend, family, church or country). A person who incorporates loyalty into his character is reliable, dependable and dedicated. Even when the odds are against them, loyalty is courageous and endures. David said to God: “I know, my God, that you test the heart and are pleased with integrity” (1 Chronicles 29:17). 

Wisdom: Wisdom is having the ability to discern and judge properly as to what is true and correct. Hating evil is the beginning of wisdom. “To fear the Lord is to hate evil; I hate pride and arrogance, evil behavior and perverse speech” (Proverbs 8:13). Wisdom is righteous and just: those who seek justice seek what is right and fair. Wisdom enlightens and illuminates. Wisdom shows the way, guides and directs. “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow His precepts have good understanding”. The wise are discreet (tactful) and prudent (careful, cautious), in what they say and do. “I wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I possess knowledge and discretion” (Proverbs 8:11). Knowledge and understanding come from seeking wisdom. “Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom. Though it cost all you have, get understanding. Esteem her, and she will exalt you; embrace her, and she will honor you” (Proverbs 4:7-8).

Godly character is the result of being excellent in all that you say and do. “But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first pure, then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness” (James 3:17-18).  Everything in life is a result of your character. Expect to have problems and fix them: don’t fix the symptoms. ”The man of integrity walks securely, but he who takes crooked paths will be found out” (Proverbs 10:9). When we do not learn character lessons early in life, they will be repeated later on in life.

Understanding Discipline

To help us develop discipline, we need a source outside of ourselves until we develop self-control. God provides more than one source of discipline. First, He corrects us directly and we learn from the consequences for our failure to obey. Second, people are a source of discipline. We need honest, caring, and perceptive people who will love us enough to correct us when we stray off the growth path. Third, reality is also a source of discipline. God is a creator and He designed how things work within his creation. When we disobey or ignore principles, we feel the effects of poor choices.

Pain is part of the process of growth: For discipline to be effective requires us to experience consequences which are painful. Pain is a gift because it signals a problem for us to give our attention to. God, people, and reality give us that pain in the correct dosages for us to see what’s really going on, so we can correct ourselves. The pain may come in different dosages or types according to our needs. A person with a teachable spirit may need less for them to get the message. On the other hand, those with a strong-willed attitude may need more. For pain to be effective, the pain must be appropriate and requires care. Always offer truth with grace first by giving encouragement and support. Stay away from judging and condemning terms. Be direct and clear. Be sensitive to the emotional state of a person because we can bear only so much truth. Let the person know how his or her behavior affects others. When words are not enough, establish boundaries. It is important to note that there are other types of pain other than the pain of discipline, like losing a loved one.

Guidelines for discipline: Some people are critical to the point of hurting others. Some people refrain from confronting people. How do we know what to correct and what to let go with so many extremes on both sides? Here is a brief list of guidelines for how to think about discipline: First we find problems arising from ignorance. Some people are just not aware of the issues. It’s not that they deny or resist, they just don’t know they are a problem. Next, lack of structure: Some people do not have the internal structure to confront problems with others, stay focused on goals, make good choices, or think long-term. Discipline becomes very necessary for them because it helps to create the structure they lack. Third is under developed character: Because of long standing immaturities such as devaluing love, irresponsibility, self-centeredness, passivity, controlling, perfectionism, and emotional detachment, often results in relational difficulty, financial struggles, substance abuse, anxiety, depression, and others.

Blockages to the growth process: Sadly, we all tend to sabotage the growth process. We attempt to remove a bad aspect of ourselves and project them on to others: Denial is not admitting the truth about a problem. There are two types of denial. One is when we keep something hurtful away from our awareness and the other is when we fail to take responsibility for something. Next is rationalization. We make excuses for our problems to avoid responsibility. Next, is minimization: To minimize is to lessen the perception of the problem, or dilute it. Last, is to blame: Blame is to divert the responsibility from one to another. Moving through the growth process is learning to internalize the process. It means a person had made the discipline experience a part of them. They no longer need the external structure and pain, because they have taken in the lesson and grown from it.

We grow through Covenant Relationships

The Bible is filled with covenants made between God and people. Six of those covenants were made with Old Testament figures: Noah, Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, Moses, and David. The seventh was made with His own Son, Jesus Christ. God is always the strongest partner in a covenant relationship.


God made a covenant with Noah in order to preserve the human race. This covenant involved Noah's participation by building an ark. He'd never built an ark before. He'd never had a boat. It was a totally new concept to Noah and the rest of the world. Why would he need a boat in a dry land? Noah did not have to invent the ark; God gave him the plans - in specific dimensional detail. He did not have to gather the animals - God led them into the ark. God even closed the door when they all came on board. God made it rain to prove why the ark was needed. The covenant provided everything Noah needed to complete his mission in life. When God spoke to Noah to do this thing, he needed only to respond to God's call to do it. Noah could rest in knowing the covenant made with God would come to pass if he fulfilled his part. "But I will establish MY covenant with you, and you will enter the ark - you and your sons and your wife and your sons' wives with you" (Genesis 6:18).


If you have entered into a covenant relationship with God, you too can be assured that God will uphold His part of the covenant relationship. He is committed to fulfilling His covenant with you and to fulfill His purposes in and through your life. It only requires one thing on your part: obedience. He will even provide to you grace and faith to help you fulfill your part of the covenant. Each of us has a covenant with God. But we also enter covenants with others in our personal and business lives. How are you doing in fulfilling covenants to others? God has given us the example to follow. Ask God if you have any unfulfilled covenants you need to honor. He has called you and me to be covenant keepers. “The one who calls you is faithful and He will do it” (1 Thessalonians 5:24).

Discipline is a Process and a Result

Growth is a training process. Discipline is the hard work that is required for us grow. Discipline is also the evidence and reveals the efforts of our hard work. For growth to occur requires more than just the knowledge of the growth process: we must allow the process to affect us. This might mean giving someone permission to confront us when we are unloving, or agreeing to be in a group that will tell us the truth about ourselves. Several aspects to discipline operate in our hearts and aid our spiritual growth. The following are the qualities needed of the person who desires to change and grow.

Receptiveness is required from those who want to submit to the growth process. We must take the initiative and ask for feedback on how we affect others. Truth and loving confrontation are integral parts of the process. The more we embrace the necessary pains of growth, the more discipline bears fruit (Hebrews 12:11). Being receptive to the growth process is highly important. We can receive the lessons from discipline and grow, or we can refuse discipline and suffer the consequences as a result. King David humbly received God’s correction when he went off the path, and his kingdom was established forever. In contrast, the pharaoh of Egypt, a man with high position, hardened his heart against the discipline of God, and he came to a tragic end.   

Confession is a requirement of the growth process (see James 5:16). To confess is to agree with the truth. When we do not confess, we deny discipline’s good effects. Often enough, we know we want to grow but are unsure how. Spiritual growth requires us to be more intimate with God and others. We need encouragement from others to grow, but because of our fears of being rejected, we don’t let others in emotionally.  When our heart issues arise, we might start to change the subject to our thoughts and opinions instead of our feelings. When we avoid the hurts and pains buried deep down inside, we do not grow. However, when we confess to one another the loneliness, others can move closer because they can feel the humbleness of your heart, and they can show empathy for us. Confession begins the process of healing and repair.

Repentance is not only agreeing with the truth, but is living out the truth by turning from our ways to God’s ways. Repentance means that we truly will change what needs to be changed. Repentance doesn’t mean that the problem is fixed immediately. If that were true, there would be no need for growth. Repentance would simply mean doing only the right things and avoiding all the wrong things. The reality is that this is not possible given our immature and sinful condition (see Romans 7). It is better to see repentance as an attitude of turning away from the world’s way, and what is not good, and turning towards God’s way and what is good. This involves changing how we deal with life. For example, a person who is spends money extravagantly and wants to change will probably not have the internal structure to become better and wiser with finances immediately. But repentance for them may mean that when they feel unloved or bad, they call a supportive friend instead of spending money to feel better. This repentance helps us move from death to life. Discipline is a form of love and growth from God, not meaningless pain and punishment. God is for us, not against us. Also, we must begin to allow those for us, our safe and nurturing relationships, to help us become accountable to the process of discipline and to help us grow.    

How we lost our Innocence: part 1

We are surprised when people do not “perform” and live up to our expectations. We experience a shift in our understanding of the world as we begin the painful adjustment to reality. We think just because we may be innocent, bad things won’t happen to us. We lose our innocence and begin grieving our wishes for a perfectly safe and dependable world. God created a safe world and then came sin. Sin entered into the world through Satan, Adam and Eve and sin is evident and demonstrated in these first two (of four) areas:

Sin by Us: We all have a sinful nature. In our own pride, we have the inclination to live without God and we come to despise our dependency and neediness. We are envious.  Envy makes us resent people who have something we do not have. When we are envious, the very people who are loving, safe and generous become the bad guys in our eyes. Envy wants to control love but ends up destroying love. Ask God to help you be grateful and thankful for what you do have and to rejoice in what others have. We think we are self-sufficient. We think that the individual who doesn’t have problems is the model for maturity but God created all of us incomplete and inadequate. Our needs are a gift from God and are the cure to the sin of pride and self-sufficiency. We think we are entitled to special treatment. “It’s all about me! You must do as I say and I demand the best!” Entitlement is self-absorbed and grandiose. It demands special treatment instead of being grateful for ordinary resources and situations. We break God’s Laws. It is a tendency and deliberate refusal to follow God’s standards and boundaries. It chooses indulging self over loving God. It is our destructive actions and attitudes. This is the aspect of our sinful nature that rebels against having any restrictions.  Envy, self-sufficiency, entitlement and transgressions are behavioral patterns of sin and drive us into isolation. The result is there is some type of breakdown. Our connection with God and others is essential for growth, change and maturity.

Sin against Us: Not only are we perpetrators of evil, but we are also victims of it. We are sinful, but we are also sinned against. As in the principal of “generational curses”, the innocent suffer for the wrongdoing and evil of others and is evident in these following areas:

Our bonding process was disrupted: Our first and deepest need as human beings is to bond, attach to another, and to belong. The bonding process is disrupted in the following ways: Detachment: someone being emotionally inaccessible to us. Abandonment: someone connecting, and then leaving. Inconsistency: someone being unstable in a loving relationship. Criticism: judgment, condemnation, and attacks upon our needy aspects. Abuse: violations that destroy trust. These negative experiences cause us to recoil, withdraw emotionally and do not let love in. This is called  “defensive devaluation”.  This is a protective device that buries the need for love, deep inside so we can no longer be hurt. This inability to bond causes many symptoms including addictions, depression, emptiness, guilt, outbursts of anger, panic, shallow and negative relationships, and thought problems like confusion, fear and distorted thinking.  

Our boundaries were not respected: Our second developmental need is to learn boundaries. Boundaries are our spiritual and emotional “property lines”. They tell us where we end, and where others begin. They help us to keep good things in us and bad things out. We can be hurt with our inability to set limits, establish consequences and when try to “rescue” others. When boundaries are clearly defined, we can carry our own loads and then know when it is appropriate to help others with their burdens. Here are some ways our boundaries can be disrupted and injured: Aggressive Control: Someone hurting us if we say no. Passive Control: Someone leaving us if we say no. Regressive Control: Guilt messages if we say no. Limitlessness: Someone never saying no to us. Just as the person with broken bonds cannot take love in, the person without boundaries cannot keep love in. First people without boundaries tend to feel abandoned when there is distance. Because they’ve often been punished by abandonment, they don’t have the ability to stand apart, to be alone and to hold firm in conflict. Second, people without boundaries tend to isolate themselves as their only limit. People who have trouble with boundaries may exhibit the following symptoms: inability to say no, inability to follow through, feelings of obligation, over responsibility, guilt, impulsiveness, blaming others, resentment, victim mentality, codependency, depression, disorganization, lack of direction, and obsessive-compulsivity.

We were not seen as whole people with good and bad traits: Our third developmental need is the ability to resolve the split between goodness and badness. Even as Christians we still struggle with sin and fail. Even though Jesus died for us giving us grace, many of us believe we are not loved when we do bad things. Good-bad relational patterns occur in the following ways: Perfectionism: Others expecting us to have no faults. Idealization: Others denying our imperfections. Shaming: Others condemning our negative qualities. People who have this good/bad split may exhibit the following symptoms: idealism, inability to tolerate weakness, perfectionism, poor self-image, broken relationships, guilt, anxiety, sexual addictions, rage and anger issues, eating disorders, and substance abuse.

We were not allowed to mature into adults: Our fourth and last developmental need is to mature and move on into adulthood. It is the moving from the child’s one-down position to the equal and mutual position of being grown-up. Here are some ways our need to be adults can be disrupted and injured: One-up relationships: others who treat us as if we were children. One-down relationships: Others who treat us as if we were the parents. Controlling: Others who need to be in charge of our lives. Criticism: Others who attack when we challenge their thinking. Because of our lack in emerging adultness, we are unable to relate to safe relationships because safe people encourage adultness and safe relationships create the possibility of a frightening power shift within us, followed by conflict and breakdowns in our ability to function. A breakdown of emerging adultness may exhibit the following symptoms: obsessive-compulsive, compliant, controlling, domineering, superiority, rebellious, & judgmental. 

How we lost our Innocence: part 2

We think just because we may be innocent, bad things won’t happen to us. We lose our innocence and begin grieving our wishes for a perfectly safe and dependable world. God created a safe world and then came sin in and is evident and demonstrated in these remaining two areas:

Sin in the World: Unlike the “sin against us” where we can point the finger at the perpetrator, the fact is, bad things happen in the world. Catastrophic global losses occur daily including famine, poverty, disease, earthquakes, fires, floods, war, global warming and the economy issues are rampant. Disasters, sickness and death disrupt and destroy our safety. Creation itself is in great agony and is slave to decline and deterioration. We are also forced in to situational losses of safety due to career moves, financial challenges, single-parenthood, divorce and other family losses and breakdowns. We also inherit these breakdowns of safety through our own DNA. Some research indicates, built in tendencies can be attributed in some degree, to our own genetic makeup. Even though the struggles and pain is not always our fault, it is our responsibility to turn to God for hope and receive His healing power and grace. We then reach out to one another and receive encouragement and connect so we can move-on and grow.

Satan’s Strategies: Satan is at work to seek out and destroy. His tactics are to breakdown the family, the church, disrupt our safe relationships and turn us against one another. He does his damage through three primary tactics: accusing, tempting and sifting. Accusing: Satan is a liar and accuser, charging us with fault and sin. Our penalty has already been paid for at the Cross and nothing can separate us from God. Satan understands reality and he uses, denial, blame, shame, guilt and our inclination to avoid relationship forcing us into isolation with God and others, rather than seek out love and forgiveness. Tempting: While the “Devil made me do it” is a strategy of the enemy for us to do bad things, the goal of Satan is to separate us from God and others by tempting us to get our needs met on our own. Our pride, arrogance and self-sufficiency are just tools for him to manipulate God’s truth and us. Sifting: Sifting refers to splitting up, breaking up, sorting out, and keeping people away from one another. Satan wants division because he is very aware of the power of relationship over isolation. He uses are emotional issues and attitudes to keep us separated and fragmented in our families, the church and our safe relationships.

Believe it, think it, and say it: I accept my brokenness and inability. As I humble myself, I allow God to shape and mold me into the image of Christ. My heart and mind is set on heavenly things, not on things of the world. I am above fear, above poverty, above the devil and his tactics. Jesus accepts me just as I am: good and bad. My situation and circumstances will not determine my purpose and destiny. God’s goodness, His grace, covers me with protection. I am meant to be a good success because of the life, and the works of Jesus Christ on the cross. God’s grace and truth has made me righteous. Amen!

Lies we believe about Growth

A lie is a misconception. It is incorrect and not true. Growth is something that we were made to do. Growth is a natural process. Growth is part of life. Growth is a principle. We were designed to grow because that’s how God made things work.

We often believe “We will never again have pain and difficulty.” Because of our pride and our insecurities, we don’t like to admit that we don’t have it all together. The reality is everyone has problems. If you don’t think you have problems, then that’s a problem! And you’re in denial. Our problems, struggles and pain help us grow. No one grows to maturity who does not understand pain and suffering. Pain is good when it leads somewhere. Pain is good when we learn from it and it results in growth & maturity. Pain is bad when we don’t learn from it and we continue to repeat old patterns. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Corinthians 4:8). The world measures success differently than God does. Success in God’s Kingdom is about the condition of heart, not the size of your bank account. For God to do surgery on our hearts requires humbleness on our part.

For us to grow, we need people that we can relate to. We need to talk about how we feel. How we feel about ourselves is a large part of how we are viewed by others, especially our parents. We focus on our feelings in meaningful, honest connections. How you feel about yourself is the key to using your talents and releasing your potential. Paul speaks about his own weaknesses in the letter to the church at Corinth: “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But HE said to me, ‘MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. When I am weak, then I am strong” (2Corinthians 12:8-10.) The spirit is strong but the flesh is weak. We have been given power and authority in the name Jesus and that power is available in us and through us from the Spirit of God, enabled through grace.

Next we often believe “We will never sin again.” The Bible tells us we are going to fail. We can learn from failure which leads to growth. “A righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” (Proverbs 24:16).People usually only look at what’s on the outside: they see our failures. God sees the heart. As long as we are being honest, God will work with us. The Bible never tells us it’s going to be easy. But it does say “all things are possible through Christ who strengthens us.”

Growth is a natural process. We are to work out our righteousness. “You have been Set Free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness” (Romans 6:18). “Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed.” In the book of Psalms it says “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” We are made up of three parts: body, soul, and spirit. The soul is made up also of three parts: mind, will, and emotions. Romans 12:2 says to renew the mind. But we also need to renew the will by making good choices that line up with God’s will for our lives. We can make a choice whether to sin or not. Again Jesus shows us the perfect way: “Not my will, but your will be done.” The righteousness of Christ in us is the process of working out the sin in us. “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). The Kingdom of God is His ways, a natural process, and how things work. Righteousness is the hard work and discipline that it takes to deal with reality of our sinful nature.

God’s Word says where we stand: You are more than a Conqueror. God is committed to the task of conforming each of us inwardly: in character, in patience, in gentleness, in goodness, in discipline, and in grace & truth. (See Romans 8:29.) But where there is no pain, there is no gain. God is more interested in our character than He is in our comfort. God allows us to go through things to take us from glory to glory. The Bible says you have Future Glory: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18). God builds strength of character in us, through our struggles and problems. ”And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1Peter 5:10.) For life to work right, we have to discover and align ourselves to God’s ways to get out of our suffering. We must allow God to develop in us an internal capacity and integrity of character to deal with whatever the situation or circumstance calls for.    

When we humble ourselves and seek Him with all that we are, we grow. We must face the truth about ourselves in the present, and begin letting go of our past injuries. Instead of feeling shame, we can have Godly sorrow which leads to repentance. Godly sorrow means we grieve over the loss of relationship because of our sin. When we confess the  truth about ourselves to others we can be healed. When we seek to understand the ways of God’s Kingdom and do our part, we are living out that which the Bible tells us to do.   

Discipline helps us Grow

Discipline is one of the necessary ingredients of spiritual growth. The Bible teaches that everyone needs discipline and correction to grow: “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent His rebuke” (Proverbs 3:11). The Bible has many meanings for the word discipline, such as chastening, correcting, instructing, reproving, and warning. Discipline in the broadest sense is our training to learn self-control in some area of life because we are not always in control of ourselves. We become disciplined by God and others. We go through external correction and consequences so that we will make discipline a part of our internal life and experience. The word disciple refers to one who is in the learning process. The word discipline describes both the process and the result. Restraining ourselves is so important that God lists it as a fruit of the Spirit. Self-control, another word for discipline, is honored by God as the anchor virtue (see Galatians 5:22-25). Discipline applies to every area of life in which we are not operating as we should, from attitudes to relational conflicts to faith struggles.

Self-control provides a structure for love. People, who have developed internal discipline, have learned to run their lives in such a manner that God’s love flows through them in very fruitful, fulfilling ways. They display qualities such as honesty, responsibility, faithfulness, and dependability. They are not slaves to their impulses. If love is the heart of the person, discipline is the skeleton, giving a person form and protection and yet discipline is painful. Growth groups, for example, provide support and understanding but if this is all the group provides, its members become well-loved infants, unable to solve the problems in which they struggle. Some people fear that discipline means punishment, condemnation, judgment, or even abuse because others have hurt them under the name of discipline, therefore they avoid discipline. One of the Greek words used in the Bible for discipline has a meaning that includes “nurturing”. In Hebrews the author says “the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son” (Hebrews 12:6). So discipline assists us in growing up when it is not driven by anger or punishment but by loving and caring.  

Discipline is related to suffering, though it is not the same as suffering. Suffering involves the discomfort we experience through some type of loss. Discipline, on the other hand, is more about the goal of growth and self-control. While we may suffer through some discipline to master a goal, discipline though a process or system, also becomes the fruit or result of submitting to that effort. Submitting to discipline then, is difficult because we must allow something to be done to us. We cannot provide discipline for ourselves otherwise we would just do it. It just isn’t inside of us. We have to submit to the process and then we grow. A certain loss of control and self-protection is necessary when we want to learn discipline. God never makes growth a process we can fully control. It takes faith (see Hebrews 11).

For discipline to be learned, requires effort. It is a process we receive but we cannot be passive. It takes initiative and to be active. Understand that discipline cannot come from willpower and commitment only, as those are on the inside. When we lack self-control, we must find discipline from other-control, that is, external structures (God and others) that help us internalize discipline, and then we grow.  

Relationships help us Grow

God made a plan for your life before He created the foundation of the world. Every day He guides you along the growth path marked with your name. God never intended that you walk it alone. God designed each of us with purpose and that purpose is relationship. God help’s us in the ways that only He can, but in addition, He also provides fellow believers to come alongside us as encouragers, mentors, friends, and co-laborers.

There isn’t a single person in the Bible that was a success all by him or herself. Moses led the children of Israel out of bondage, brought the Ten Commandments down from the mountain, and was the leader of the Israelites throughout their long journey to the Promised Land. We might think Moses did everything by himself but he had a network of friends and family providing wise counsel and necessary aid.  Aaron and Joshua were a large part of Moses’ inner circle of support.

For the battle against Amalek, God designed a strategy that incorporated all three men. Moses sent Joshua to lead the troops while he raised his staff in honor to the Lord, who promised victory. God did His part and we are to do our part. We are to pray like Moses but fight like Joshua.  When Moses was weak, Aaron and Hur held his arms up, lending their strength to support his mission. (See Exodus 17:8-13.)

The world puts a high value on self-sufficiency but God’s design for His children is we work together. One of God’s names is Jehovah Nissi: “The Lord is our Banner.” A group of people rightly connected can do so much more than a man or woman acting alone. Moses proved that. He was a wise, strong and inspiring leader, in part because he had the support and counsel of loyal friends.

Growth is a step-by-step process

All growth and progress is made step by step, following a natural sequence of development. A sequential developmental process is a principle and is common to all areas of life. Children learn to turn over, sit up, crawl, walk, and then run. No step can be skipped. In construction, a strong foundation must be put in place before doing any framing. We know and accept this step-by-step process in the physical and intellectual areas because results are seen and constant evidence supported. But in other areas of human development and in social interaction, we often attempt to short-cut the natural process, substituting expediency over priority, imitation over innovation, cosmetics over character, style over substance, and pretense over competence. We often skip over some important step to save time and effort and still hope to reap the desired rewards.

There are no short cuts in the development of skills such as piano playing or public speaking. Practice makes perfect. How often we do not follow this same principle when it comes to developing our character. It is impossible to ignore and short-cut this process. It is contrary to design and any attempt to bypass the process will result in frustration and confusion. No short-cutting, no pretending or appearing, no making “good impressions”, no amount for “dressing for success” will compensate for lack of skill and judgment. We can “pose” and pretend for a while but eventually we will be found out. Trying to be all things to all people, results in the loss of everybody’s respect.

To relate effectively with others requires emotional strength, because we must learn to listen. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand. Comparisons become dangerous. If we are sure that we are right, we do not want to change. An emotionally undeveloped person will tend to “borrow strength” from position, size, strength, experience, intellect, or emotions to make up for character imbalance. They may be in a position of authority, may be competent, knowledgeable, and skillful but are somewhat emotionally and spiritually immature. They may attempt to compensate for this deficiency, or gap, by borrowing from their position of authority. How do we handle and react to pressure? How does the boss react to the employee when things don’t get done his or her satisfaction?  How does the teacher react when the student challenges her viewpoint? How does the parent react to the difficult child? What are the consequences of their reaction?

We build weakness in three places: First, we build weakness in ourselves. Borrowing strength from position or authority reinforces our own dependence upon external factors to get things done in the future. Second, we build weakness in the other people. Others learn to act or react in terms of fear or conformity, consequently stunting their own reasoning, freedom, growth, and internal discipline. Third, we build weakness in the relationship. It becomes strained. Fear replaces cooperation. Each person involved becomes a little more strained, a little more agitated, and a little more defensive. We remain stuck with the weakness when we borrow strength in this way. Whenever we rely on our own strength instead of the strength in our relationship we have with Christ, we lose and everybody else loses. We must allow God to develop in us an internal capacity and integrity of character to deal with whatever the situation or circumstance calls for.     

We Grow when we gain insight to God’s Kingdom

“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Change means we stop doing the same thing over and over, and begin to do things God’s way of turning to the kingdom (repentance.) Next we are to seek more to understand and gain insight into what is best, good, and right. And then we are to commit to the hard part of the discipline and painful realities in order to grow.    

For us to find out what is best and gain insight into our lives to apply it, we need to know what God wants us to do. We should always be learning the ways of the kingdom. We must learn about principles and how God designed things to work. Gaining insight includes work, feedback, correction, digging inside our hearts and souls, and prayer, specifically about our own character dynamics and patterns. We are not able to see and understand ourselves by ourselves. Insight comes from God and others. David asked God to show him the hurtful ways in himself and lead him into good patterns (Psalm 139:23-24). In other places the Bible tells us that we need to gain insight about ourselves from other people. “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). People are never going to grow by only listening to a sermon once a week and then just go about their business. They must gain deeper understanding  about God’s ways (His Kingdom) and also find out how those ways apply to their own issues in life (His righteousness).  They need to discover what is true about them, and they need feedback about how their patterns work and what to do differently. Then they grow.

Growth requires effort and is a process over time. We look for a quick fix and we want it now. The Bible tells us what to expect: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11). We all want the “harvest of righteousness.” We want to be well, and we want the fruit it brings to give us the good things of life, as Matthew 6:33 says. But we must realize that to receive the fruit we want, we must commit to discipline (work and training). We must go into the deep, dark, hidden areas of our souls week after week to change the destructive dynamics that are ruining our lives. Pain is the pathway to greatness. It is not fun, nor is it pleasant but the pain is temporary and the fruit is long-lasting. It hurts to grow, but this kind of pain is good, it will not return again, and the lessons and results will last forever.

Seeking God first means that we know Him as the God of grace who is for us. God is not only a God of grace, He a God of truth. Getting well and “having all these things given to you” will be provided. In every area of life, we adhere to principle. A pilot must seek the laws of physics. If he does not know them and apply them to his work, the plane is going to crash. Life and righteousness are exactly like that. Life is designed with laws that govern relationship and success. Laws govern healing and growth. For those areas in our lives that we want to “fly”, we have to learn the laws that govern them.

Seeking righteousness is not without results. It is about learning and becoming life itself, and in the end the “right” way is not only the best way, it’s the only way. The process is much deeper than just knowing the concepts. The concepts must interfere with where you are and call you to change.    

Guarding your heart helps you Grow

“My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:20-23.) Everyone wants his or her life to be fulfilling and successful. Instead of a life of anxiety you can have joy. Instead of chaos, you can have a peace beyond understanding. Learn to “guard your heart”.

What is the heart? The heart is where our character is formed. Success and secrets are held in the heart. The heart reveals our motives and who we really are. The heart is the seat of all our dreams, desires, hopes, wishes, and passions. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalms 36:4). A “wellspring” is a continuous, inexhaustible source and supply. The heart is the wellspring and giver of life. The heart alone stores our treasures, but they can be stolen.

What are we guarding our hearts from? Relationship with Jesus is based on faith and beliefs. We want to protect our heart from doubt, which produces fear. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy our faith. We know we have faith when we have love, joy, and peace. Fear based emotions include anger, hostility, resentment, frustration, impatience, irritation, anxiety, and hatred. We want to keep the good in and the bad out. “My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart” (Psalm 7:10.)

How do you guard your heart? In Proverbs 4:20-23, the writer says to pay attention to what I say and listen closely to my words, keeping them within your heart. It is important to guard your ears and eyes to effectively guard your heart. The Bible tells us “Blessed is the man whose delight is the law of the Lord and on His law he meditates day and night” (see Psalm 1-3). It is important to guard what we hear and see because what we think about and talk about comes about. “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5b).  “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). 

Live in the fullness of God’s grace. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1Jn 1:9.)  Grace is an undeserved gift that heals, restores, forgives, protects, prospers, delivers, and transforms us into wholeness. Grace is the goodness of God that brings victory, not on our own efforts or ability. The free gift of grace empowers us to face challenges and difficulties in any area of life, including fear, debt, sickness, addictions, or broken relationships. The more we increase in the knowledge of Jesus and what he accomplished on the cross, the more grace will be multiplied in our life and heart.

Receive the peace of God. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7.) The world defines peace as to what is seen, felt and heard. Godly peace is not the absence of challenges or trouble in life. With God, it is possible to be in the middle of a major crisis or storm in life and still have peace.

Be thankful and joyful. Thankfulness is an expression of the heart. Thankfulness follows contentment. A person who is content is grateful and satisfied with whatever they have. They think of God and others and not only of themselves. “Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice” (1Chronicles 16:10). God uses our character, experiences and circumstances to produce something of value in us. Experiences that would ordinarily harm you can turn out to be the very thing that makes you wiser, stronger and better. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4).

Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is both a choice and a process. Forgiveness is the path to healing and freedom. The Bible tells us to forgive so we may be forgiven. Not forgiving results in isolation that leads to resentment, which leads to bitterness, which destroys the heart and soul. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32.) 

Develop safe relationships and boundaries. We cannot protect ourselves unless we first have the foundation of healthy and safe relationships. In part, having boundaries is practicing limits which keeps things in that will nurture us and keep things out, that will harms us. A heart unguarded is vulnerable and can become damaged and broken.

Don’t ignore the symptoms. Symptoms are the result and effects of an underling issue or root cause. Often times the problem we notice is a symptom. Look for the patterns to find the source of the issue. In order for things to change, you have to start with your self. The only thing that you can change is you. Your circumstances and other people may never change. Transformation is from the inside out, not from the outside in.

Believe it, think it, and say it: "Jesus, relationship with you is more important than anything else to me. To know you and have my faith strengthened requires me to spend time with you daily, in your Word and in prayer. Because you pour your love into me, I will love you in return. Your love allows me to love others unconditionally, forgiving them. When I put you first in my heart, I know my heart is guarded. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."