Welcome to How to Change and Grow

Welcome to How to Change and Grow. The answers to life is found in seeking the Creater of life. We serve a good God. He wants to help us. God's Word guides and directs our steps while the Holy Sprit empowers us to transform, mature, prosper and more. The fullness of God's love brings us to beyond striving, to satisfying all our needs and anything we could ever hope or wish for. God's way IS a better way! God bless you as you learn HIS WAYS to change and grow.

October 31, 2011

Discipline is a Process and a Result

Growth is a training process. Discipline is the hard work that is required for us grow. Discipline is also the evidence and reveals the efforts of our hard work. For growth to occur requires more than just the knowledge of the growth process: we must allow the process to affect us. This might mean giving someone permission to confront us when we are unloving, or agreeing to be in a group that will tell us the truth about ourselves. Several aspects to discipline operate in our hearts and aid our spiritual growth. The following are the qualities needed of the person who desires to change and grow.

Receptiveness is required from those who want to submit to the growth process. We must take the initiative and ask for feedback on how we affect others. Truth and loving confrontation are integral parts of the process. The more we embrace the necessary pains of growth, the more discipline bears fruit (Hebrews 12:11). Being receptive to the growth process is highly important. We can receive the lessons from discipline and grow, or we can refuse discipline and suffer the consequences as a result. King David humbly received God’s correction when he went off the path, and his kingdom was established forever. In contrast, the pharaoh of Egypt, a man with high position, hardened his heart against the discipline of God, and he came to a tragic end.   

Confession is a requirement of the growth process (see James 5:16). To confess is to agree with the truth. When we do not confess, we deny discipline’s good effects. Often enough, we know we want to grow but are unsure how. Spiritual growth requires us to be more intimate with God and others. We need encouragement from others to grow, but because of our fears of being rejected, we don’t let others in emotionally.  When our heart issues arise, we might start to change the subject to our thoughts and opinions instead of our feelings. When we avoid the hurts and pains buried deep down inside, we do not grow. However, when we confess to one another the loneliness, others can move closer because they can feel the humbleness of your heart, and they can show empathy for us. Confession begins the process of healing and repair.

Repentance is not only agreeing with the truth, but is living out the truth by turning from our ways to God’s ways. Repentance means that we truly will change what needs to be changed. Repentance doesn’t mean that the problem is fixed immediately. If that were true, there would be no need for growth. Repentance would simply mean doing only the right things and avoiding all the wrong things. The reality is that this is not possible given our immature and sinful condition (see Romans 7). It is better to see repentance as an attitude of turning away from the world’s way, and what is not good, and turning towards God’s way and what is good. This involves changing how we deal with life. For example, a person who is spends money extravagantly and wants to change will probably not have the internal structure to become better and wiser with finances immediately. But repentance for them may mean that when they feel unloved or bad, they call a supportive friend instead of spending money to feel better. This repentance helps us move from death to life. Discipline is a form of love and growth from God, not meaningless pain and punishment. God is for us, not against us. Also, we must begin to allow those for us, our safe and nurturing relationships, to help us become accountable to the process of discipline and to help us grow.    

October 27, 2011

How we lost our Innocence: part 1

We are surprised when people do not “perform” and live up to our expectations. We experience a shift in our understanding of the world as we begin the painful adjustment to reality. We think just because we may be innocent, bad things won’t happen to us. We lose our innocence and begin grieving our wishes for a perfectly safe and dependable world. God created a safe world and then came sin. Sin entered into the world through Satan, Adam and Eve and sin is evident and demonstrated in these first two (of four) areas:

Sin by Us: We all have a sinful nature. In our own pride, we have the inclination to live without God and we come to despise our dependency and neediness. We are envious.  Envy makes us resent people who have something we do not have. When we are envious, the very people who are loving, safe and generous become the bad guys in our eyes. Envy wants to control love but ends up destroying love. Ask God to help you be grateful and thankful for what you do have and to rejoice in what others have. We think we are self-sufficient. We think that the individual who doesn’t have problems is the model for maturity but God created all of us incomplete and inadequate. Our needs are a gift from God and are the cure to the sin of pride and self-sufficiency. We think we are entitled to special treatment. “It’s all about me! You must do as I say and I demand the best!” Entitlement is self-absorbed and grandiose. It demands special treatment instead of being grateful for ordinary resources and situations. We break God’s Laws. It is a tendency and deliberate refusal to follow God’s standards and boundaries. It chooses indulging self over loving God. It is our destructive actions and attitudes. This is the aspect of our sinful nature that rebels against having any restrictions.  Envy, self-sufficiency, entitlement and transgressions are behavioral patterns of sin and drive us into isolation. The result is there is some type of breakdown. Our connection with God and others is essential for growth, change and maturity.

Sin against Us: Not only are we perpetrators of evil, but we are also victims of it. We are sinful, but we are also sinned against. As in the principal of “generational curses”, the innocent suffer for the wrongdoing and evil of others and is evident in these following areas:

Our bonding process was disrupted: Our first and deepest need as human beings is to bond, attach to another, and to belong. The bonding process is disrupted in the following ways: Detachment: someone being emotionally inaccessible to us. Abandonment: someone connecting, and then leaving. Inconsistency: someone being unstable in a loving relationship. Criticism: judgment, condemnation, and attacks upon our needy aspects. Abuse: violations that destroy trust. These negative experiences cause us to recoil, withdraw emotionally and do not let love in. This is called  “defensive devaluation”.  This is a protective device that buries the need for love, deep inside so we can no longer be hurt. This inability to bond causes many symptoms including addictions, depression, emptiness, guilt, outbursts of anger, panic, shallow and negative relationships, and thought problems like confusion, fear and distorted thinking.  

Our boundaries were not respected: Our second developmental need is to learn boundaries. Boundaries are our spiritual and emotional “property lines”. They tell us where we end, and where others begin. They help us to keep good things in us and bad things out. We can be hurt with our inability to set limits, establish consequences and when try to “rescue” others. When boundaries are clearly defined, we can carry our own loads and then know when it is appropriate to help others with their burdens. Here are some ways our boundaries can be disrupted and injured: Aggressive Control: Someone hurting us if we say no. Passive Control: Someone leaving us if we say no. Regressive Control: Guilt messages if we say no. Limitlessness: Someone never saying no to us. Just as the person with broken bonds cannot take love in, the person without boundaries cannot keep love in. First people without boundaries tend to feel abandoned when there is distance. Because they’ve often been punished by abandonment, they don’t have the ability to stand apart, to be alone and to hold firm in conflict. Second, people without boundaries tend to isolate themselves as their only limit. People who have trouble with boundaries may exhibit the following symptoms: inability to say no, inability to follow through, feelings of obligation, over responsibility, guilt, impulsiveness, blaming others, resentment, victim mentality, codependency, depression, disorganization, lack of direction, and obsessive-compulsivity.

We were not seen as whole people with good and bad traits: Our third developmental need is the ability to resolve the split between goodness and badness. Even as Christians we still struggle with sin and fail. Even though Jesus died for us giving us grace, many of us believe we are not loved when we do bad things. Good-bad relational patterns occur in the following ways: Perfectionism: Others expecting us to have no faults. Idealization: Others denying our imperfections. Shaming: Others condemning our negative qualities. People who have this good/bad split may exhibit the following symptoms: idealism, inability to tolerate weakness, perfectionism, poor self-image, broken relationships, guilt, anxiety, sexual addictions, rage and anger issues, eating disorders, and substance abuse.

We were not allowed to mature into adults: Our fourth and last developmental need is to mature and move on into adulthood. It is the moving from the child’s one-down position to the equal and mutual position of being grown-up. Here are some ways our need to be adults can be disrupted and injured: One-up relationships: others who treat us as if we were children. One-down relationships: Others who treat us as if we were the parents. Controlling: Others who need to be in charge of our lives. Criticism: Others who attack when we challenge their thinking. Because of our lack in emerging adultness, we are unable to relate to safe relationships because safe people encourage adultness and safe relationships create the possibility of a frightening power shift within us, followed by conflict and breakdowns in our ability to function. A breakdown of emerging adultness may exhibit the following symptoms: obsessive-compulsive, compliant, controlling, domineering, superiority, rebellious, & judgmental. 

October 26, 2011

How we lost our Innocence: part 2

We think just because we may be innocent, bad things won’t happen to us. We lose our innocence and begin grieving our wishes for a perfectly safe and dependable world. God created a safe world and then came sin in and is evident and demonstrated in these remaining two areas:

Sin in the World: Unlike the “sin against us” where we can point the finger at the perpetrator, the fact is, bad things happen in the world. Catastrophic global losses occur daily including famine, poverty, disease, earthquakes, fires, floods, war, global warming and the economy issues are rampant. Disasters, sickness and death disrupt and destroy our safety. Creation itself is in great agony and is slave to decline and deterioration. We are also forced in to situational losses of safety due to career moves, financial challenges, single-parenthood, divorce and other family losses and breakdowns. We also inherit these breakdowns of safety through our own DNA. Some research indicates, built in tendencies can be attributed in some degree, to our own genetic makeup. Even though the struggles and pain is not always our fault, it is our responsibility to turn to God for hope and receive His healing power and grace. We then reach out to one another and receive encouragement and connect so we can move-on and grow.

Satan’s Strategies: Satan is at work to seek out and destroy. His tactics are to breakdown the family, the church, disrupt our safe relationships and turn us against one another. He does his damage through three primary tactics: accusing, tempting and sifting. Accusing: Satan is a liar and accuser, charging us with fault and sin. Our penalty has already been paid for at the Cross and nothing can separate us from God. Satan understands reality and he uses, denial, blame, shame, guilt and our inclination to avoid relationship forcing us into isolation with God and others, rather than seek out love and forgiveness. Tempting: While the “Devil made me do it” is a strategy of the enemy for us to do bad things, the goal of Satan is to separate us from God and others by tempting us to get our needs met on our own. Our pride, arrogance and self-sufficiency are just tools for him to manipulate God’s truth and us. Sifting: Sifting refers to splitting up, breaking up, sorting out, and keeping people away from one another. Satan wants division because he is very aware of the power of relationship over isolation. He uses are emotional issues and attitudes to keep us separated and fragmented in our families, the church and our safe relationships.

Believe it, think it, and say it: I accept my brokenness and inability. As I humble myself, I allow God to shape and mold me into the image of Christ. My heart and mind is set on heavenly things, not on things of the world. I am above fear, above poverty, above the devil and his tactics. Jesus accepts me just as I am: good and bad. My situation and circumstances will not determine my purpose and destiny. God’s goodness, His grace, covers me with protection. I am meant to be a good success because of the life, and the works of Jesus Christ on the cross. God’s grace and truth has made me righteous. Amen!

October 25, 2011

Lies we believe about Growth

A lie is a misconception. It is incorrect and not true. Growth is something that we were made to do. Growth is a natural process. Growth is part of life. Growth is a principle. We were designed to grow because that’s how God made things work.

We often believe “We will never again have pain and difficulty.” Because of our pride and our insecurities, we don’t like to admit that we don’t have it all together. The reality is everyone has problems. If you don’t think you have problems, then that’s a problem! And you’re in denial. Our problems, struggles and pain help us grow. No one grows to maturity who does not understand pain and suffering. Pain is good when it leads somewhere. Pain is good when we learn from it and it results in growth & maturity. Pain is bad when we don’t learn from it and we continue to repeat old patterns. “We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed” (2Corinthians 4:8). The world measures success differently than God does. Success in God’s Kingdom is about the condition of heart, not the size of your bank account. For God to do surgery on our hearts requires humbleness on our part.
For us to grow, we need people that we can relate to. We need to talk about how we feel. How we feel about ourselves is a large part of how we are viewed by others, especially our parents. We focus on our feelings in meaningful, honest connections. How you feel about yourself is the key to using your talents and releasing your potential. Paul speaks about his own weaknesses in the letter to the church at Corinth: “Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But HE said to me, ‘MY grace is sufficient for you, for MY power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. When I am weak, then I am strong” (2Corinthians 12:8-10.) The spirit is strong but the flesh is weak. We have been given power and authority in the name Jesus and that power is available in us and through us from the Spirit of God, enabled through grace.

Next we often believe “We will never sin again.” The Bible tells us we are going to fail. We can learn from failure which leads to growth. “A righteous man falls seven times, he rises again” (Proverbs 24:16).People usually only look at what’s on the outside: they see our failures. God sees the heart. As long as we are being honest, God will work with us. The Bible never tells us it’s going to be easy. But it does say “all things are possible through Christ who strengthens us.”
Growth is a natural process. We are to work out our righteousness. “You have been Set Free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness” (Romans 6:18). “Whom the Son sets free, is free indeed.” In the book of Psalms it says “I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” We are made up of three parts: body, soul, and spirit. The soul is made up also of three parts: mind, will, and emotions. Romans 12:2 says to renew the mind. But we also need to renew the will by making good choices that line up with God’s will for our lives. We can make a choice whether to sin or not. Again Jesus shows us the perfect way: “Not my will, but your will be done.” The righteousness of Christ in us is the process of working out the sin in us. “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). The Kingdom of God is His ways, a natural process, and how things work. Righteousness is the hard work and discipline that it takes to deal with reality of our sinful nature.

God’s Word says where we stand: You are more than a Conqueror. God is committed to the task of conforming each of us inwardly: in character, in patience, in gentleness, in goodness, in discipline, and in grace & truth. (See Romans 8:29.) But where there is no pain, there is no gain. God is more interested in our character than He is in our comfort. God allows us to go through things to take us from glory to glory. The Bible says you have Future Glory: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us” (Romans 8:18). God builds strength of character in us, through our struggles and problems. ”And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast” (1Peter 5:10.) For life to work right, we have to discover and align ourselves to God’s ways to get out of our suffering. We must allow God to develop in us an internal capacity and integrity of character to deal with whatever the situation or circumstance calls for.    
When we humble ourselves and seek Him with all that we are, we grow. We must face the truth about ourselves in the present, and begin letting go of our past injuries. Instead of feeling shame, we can have Godly sorrow which leads to repentance. Godly sorrow means we grieve over the loss of relationship because of our sin. When we confess the  truth about ourselves to others we can be healed. When we seek to understand the ways of God’s Kingdom and do our part, we are living out that which the Bible tells us to do.   

October 24, 2011

Discipline helps us Grow

Discipline is one of the necessary ingredients of spiritual growth. The Bible teaches that everyone needs discipline and correction to grow: “My son, do not despise the Lord’s discipline and do not resent His rebuke” (Proverbs 3:11). The Bible has many meanings for the word discipline, such as chastening, correcting, instructing, reproving, and warning. Discipline in the broadest sense is our training to learn self-control in some area of life because we are not always in control of ourselves. We become disciplined by God and others. We go through external correction and consequences so that we will make discipline a part of our internal life and experience. The word disciple refers to one who is in the learning process. The word discipline describes both the process and the result. Restraining ourselves is so important that God lists it as a fruit of the Spirit. Self-control, another word for discipline, is honored by God as the anchor virtue (see Galatians 5:22-25). Discipline applies to every area of life in which we are not operating as we should, from attitudes to relational conflicts to faith struggles.

Self-control provides a structure for love. People, who have developed internal discipline, have learned to run their lives in such a manner that God’s love flows through them in very fruitful, fulfilling ways. They display qualities such as honesty, responsibility, faithfulness, and dependability. They are not slaves to their impulses. If love is the heart of the person, discipline is the skeleton, giving a person form and protection and yet discipline is painful. Growth groups, for example, provide support and understanding but if this is all the group provides, its members become well-loved infants, unable to solve the problems in which they struggle. Some people fear that discipline means punishment, condemnation, judgment, or even abuse because others have hurt them under the name of discipline, therefore they avoid discipline. One of the Greek words used in the Bible for discipline has a meaning that includes “nurturing”. In Hebrews the author says “the Lord disciplines those He loves, and He punishes everyone He accepts as a son” (Hebrews 12:6). So discipline assists us in growing up when it is not driven by anger or punishment but by loving and caring.  

Discipline is related to suffering, though it is not the same as suffering. Suffering involves the discomfort we experience through some type of loss. Discipline, on the other hand, is more about the goal of growth and self-control. While we may suffer through some discipline to master a goal, discipline though a process or system, also becomes the fruit or result of submitting to that effort. Submitting to discipline then, is difficult because we must allow something to be done to us. We cannot provide discipline for ourselves otherwise we would just do it. It just isn’t inside of us. We have to submit to the process and then we grow. A certain loss of control and self-protection is necessary when we want to learn discipline. God never makes growth a process we can fully control. It takes faith (see Hebrews 11).

For discipline to be learned, requires effort. It is a process we receive but we cannot be passive. It takes initiative and to be active. Understand that discipline cannot come from willpower and commitment only, as those are on the inside. When we lack self-control, we must find discipline from other-control, that is, external structures (God and others) that help us internalize discipline, and then we grow.  

October 19, 2011

Relationships help us Grow

God made a plan for your life before He created the foundation of the world. Every day He guides you along the growth path marked with your name. God never intended that you walk it alone. God designed each of us with purpose and that purpose is relationship. God help’s us in the ways that only He can, but in addition, He also provides fellow believers to come alongside us as encouragers, mentors, friends, and co-laborers.

There isn’t a single person in the Bible that was a success all by him or herself. Moses led the children of Israel out of bondage, brought the Ten Commandments down from the mountain, and was the leader of the Israelites throughout their long journey to the Promised Land. We might think Moses did everything by himself but he had a network of friends and family providing wise counsel and necessary aid.  Aaron and Joshua were a large part of Moses’ inner circle of support.

For the battle against Amalek, God designed a strategy that incorporated all three men. Moses sent Joshua to lead the troops while he raised his staff in honor to the Lord, who promised victory. God did His part and we are to do our part. We are to pray like Moses but fight like Joshua.  When Moses was weak, Aaron and Hur held his arms up, lending their strength to support his mission. (See Exodus 17:8-13.)

The world puts a high value on self-sufficiency but God’s design for His children is we work together. One of God’s names is Jehovah Nissi: “The Lord is our Banner.” A group of people rightly connected can do so much more than a man or woman acting alone. Moses proved that. He was a wise, strong and inspiring leader, in part because he had the support and counsel of loyal friends.


October 18, 2011

Growth is a step-by-step process

All growth and progress is made step by step, following a natural sequence of development. A sequential developmental process is a principle and is common to all areas of life. Children learn to turn over, sit up, crawl, walk, and then run. No step can be skipped. In construction, a strong foundation must be put in place before doing any framing. We know and accept this step-by-step process in the physical and intellectual areas because results are seen and constant evidence supported. But in other areas of human development and in social interaction, we often attempt to short-cut the natural process, substituting expediency over priority, imitation over innovation, cosmetics over character, style over substance, and pretense over competence. We often skip over some important step to save time and effort and still hope to reap the desired rewards.

There are no short cuts in the development of skills such as piano playing or public speaking. Practice makes perfect. How often we do not follow this same principle when it comes to developing our character. It is impossible to ignore and short-cut this process. It is contrary to design and any attempt to bypass the process will result in frustration and confusion. No short-cutting, no pretending or appearing, no making “good impressions”, no amount for “dressing for success” will compensate for lack of skill and judgment. We can “pose” and pretend for a while but eventually we will be found out. Trying to be all things to all people, results in the loss of everybody’s respect.

To relate effectively with others requires emotional strength, because we must learn to listen. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand. Comparisons become dangerous. If we are sure that we are right, we do not want to change. An emotionally undeveloped person will tend to “borrow strength” from position, size, strength, experience, intellect, or emotions to make up for character imbalance. They may be in a position of authority, may be competent, knowledgeable, and skillful but are somewhat emotionally and spiritually immature. They may attempt to compensate for this deficiency, or gap, by borrowing from their position of authority. How do we handle and react to pressure? How does the boss react to the employee when things don’t get done his or her satisfaction?  How does the teacher react when the student challenges her viewpoint? How does the parent react to the difficult child? What are the consequences of their reaction?

We build weakness in three places: First, we build weakness in ourselves. Borrowing strength from position or authority reinforces our own dependence upon external factors to get things done in the future. Second, we build weakness in the other people. Others learn to act or react in terms of fear or conformity, consequently stunting their own reasoning, freedom, growth, and internal discipline. Third, we build weakness in the relationship. It becomes strained. Fear replaces cooperation. Each person involved becomes a little more strained, a little more agitated, and a little more defensive. We remain stuck with the weakness when we borrow strength in this way. Whenever we rely on our own strength instead of the strength in our relationship we have with Christ, we lose and everybody else loses. We must allow God to develop in us an internal capacity and integrity of character to deal with whatever the situation or circumstance calls for.     

October 11, 2011

We Grow when we gain insight to God’s Kingdom

“Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (Matthew 6:33). Change means we stop doing the same thing over and over, and begin to do things God’s way of turning to the kingdom (repentance.) Next we are to seek more to understand and gain insight into what is best, good, and right. And then we are to commit to the hard part of the discipline and painful realities in order to grow.    

For us to find out what is best and gain insight into our lives to apply it, we need to know what God wants us to do. We should always be learning the ways of the kingdom. We must learn about principles and how God designed things to work. Gaining insight includes work, feedback, correction, digging inside our hearts and souls, and prayer, specifically about our own character dynamics and patterns. We are not able to see and understand ourselves by ourselves. Insight comes from God and others. David asked God to show him the hurtful ways in himself and lead him into good patterns (Psalm 139:23-24). In other places the Bible tells us that we need to gain insight about ourselves from other people. “The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out” (Proverbs 20:5). People are never going to grow by only listening to a sermon once a week and then just go about their business. They must gain deeper understanding  about God’s ways (His Kingdom) and also find out how those ways apply to their own issues in life (His righteousness).  They need to discover what is true about them, and they need feedback about how their patterns work and what to do differently. Then they grow.

Growth requires effort and is a process over time. We look for a quick fix and we want it now. The Bible tells us what to expect: “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Hebrews 12:11). We all want the “harvest of righteousness.” We want to be well, and we want the fruit it brings to give us the good things of life, as Matthew 6:33 says. But we must realize that to receive the fruit we want, we must commit to discipline (work and training). We must go into the deep, dark, hidden areas of our souls week after week to change the destructive dynamics that are ruining our lives. Pain is the pathway to greatness. It is not fun, nor is it pleasant but the pain is temporary and the fruit is long-lasting. It hurts to grow, but this kind of pain is good, it will not return again, and the lessons and results will last forever.

Seeking God first means that we know Him as the God of grace who is for us. God is not only a God of grace, He a God of truth. Getting well and “having all these things given to you” will be provided. In every area of life, we adhere to principle. A pilot must seek the laws of physics. If he does not know them and apply them to his work, the plane is going to crash. Life and righteousness are exactly like that. Life is designed with laws that govern relationship and success. Laws govern healing and growth. For those areas in our lives that we want to “fly”, we have to learn the laws that govern them.

Seeking righteousness is not without results. It is about learning and becoming life itself, and in the end the “right” way is not only the best way, it’s the only way. The process is much deeper than just knowing the concepts. The concepts must interfere with where you are and call you to change.    

October 7, 2011

Guarding your heart helps you Grow

“My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to a man’s whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life” (Proverbs 4:20-23.) Everyone wants his or her life to be fulfilling and successful. Instead of a life of anxiety you can have joy. Instead of chaos, you can have a peace beyond understanding. Learn to “guard your heart”.

What is the heart? The heart is where our character is formed. Success and secrets are held in the heart. The heart reveals our motives and who we really are. The heart is the seat of all our dreams, desires, hopes, wishes, and passions. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalms 36:4). A “wellspring” is a continuous, inexhaustible source and supply. The heart is the wellspring and giver of life. The heart alone stores our treasures, but they can be stolen.

What are we guarding our hearts from? Relationship with Jesus is based on faith and beliefs. We want to protect our heart from doubt, which produces fear. The enemy comes to rob, steal, and destroy our faith. We know we have faith when we have love, joy, and peace. Fear based emotions include anger, hostility, resentment, frustration, impatience, irritation, anxiety, and hatred. We want to keep the good in and the bad out. “My shield is God Most High, who saves the upright in heart” (Psalm 7:10.)

How do you guard your heart? In Proverbs 4:20-23, the writer says to pay attention to what I say and listen closely to my words, keeping them within your heart. It is important to guard your ears and eyes to effectively guard your heart. The Bible tells us “Blessed is the man whose delight is the law of the Lord and on His law he meditates day and night” (see Psalm 1-3). It is important to guard what we hear and see because what we think about and talk about comes about. “Take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ” (2 Corinthians 10:5b).  “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit” (Proverbs 18:21). 


Live in the fullness of God’s grace. “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1Jn 1:9.)  Grace is an undeserved gift that heals, restores, forgives, protects, prospers, delivers, and transforms us into wholeness. Grace is the goodness of God that brings victory, not on our own efforts or ability. The free gift of grace empowers us to face challenges and difficulties in any area of life, including fear, debt, sickness, addictions, or broken relationships. The more we increase in the knowledge of Jesus and what he accomplished on the cross, the more grace will be multiplied in our life and heart.

Receive the peace of God. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7.) The world defines peace as to what is seen, felt and heard. Godly peace is not the absence of challenges or trouble in life. With God, it is possible to be in the middle of a major crisis or storm in life and still have peace.


Be thankful and joyful. Thankfulness is an expression of the heart. Thankfulness follows contentment. A person who is content is grateful and satisfied with whatever they have. They think of God and others and not only of themselves. “Let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice” (1Chronicles 16:10). God uses our character, experiences and circumstances to produce something of value in us. Experiences that would ordinarily harm you can turn out to be the very thing that makes you wiser, stronger and better. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4).


Learn to forgive. Forgiveness is both a choice and a process. Forgiveness is the path to healing and freedom. The Bible tells us to forgive so we may be forgiven. Not forgiving results in isolation that leads to resentment, which leads to bitterness, which destroys the heart and soul. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you. (Ephesians 4:32.) 

Develop safe relationships and boundaries. We cannot protect ourselves unless we first have the foundation of healthy and safe relationships. In part, having boundaries is practicing limits which keeps things in that will nurture us and keep things out, that will harms us. A heart unguarded is vulnerable and can become damaged and broken.

Don’t ignore the symptoms. Symptoms are the result and effects of an underling issue or root cause. Often times the problem we notice is a symptom. Look for the patterns to find the source of the issue. In order for things to change, you have to start with your self. The only thing that you can change is you. Your circumstances and other people may never change. Transformation is from the inside out, not from the outside in.

Believe it, think it, and say it: "Jesus, relationship with you is more important than anything else to me. To know you and have my faith strengthened requires me to spend time with you daily, in your Word and in prayer. Because you pour your love into me, I will love you in return. Your love allows me to love others unconditionally, forgiving them. When I put you first in my heart, I know my heart is guarded. In Jesus’ Name, Amen."

October 6, 2011

Change begins when you Believe Right


Everyone wants his or her life to go well. We want to be happy. We want to be successful. We want other people to think well of us. But life doesn’t always turn out the way we expect. Reality sets in and life is hard. People are difficult. What can we do? We look for change. We change the job or start a new relationship, which in its self can be good, but it won’t bring lasting fulfillment. Often enough, changing your circumstances or what is outside of you is just changing one set of problems for another. To make change effective starts in the heart. God isn’t interested as much in your circumstances as He is with the desires of the heart and your character development. Getting your heart right is believing right.

What’s the problem? What we usually think is the problem is actually a result of an underling problem called a root cause. The heart is naturally self-centered and we make life all about us. Who you really are and your motives are revealed from the heart. For example, your passion could be for music. You desire to become a successful singer. That comes from the heart. But the Bible says do not have any other gods before Him. Your desire for music should not be greater than your desire for God. Music is not the problem. God loves music and the praises of His people. The underlying problem is the music is more important to you than having a relationship with Him. “As water reflects a face, so a man’s heart reflects the man” (Proverbs 27:19).

What’s the answer? Change is good when it brings truth, healing, and fulfillment. We should want to know what is real and that which stands the test of time. The only change that is good and everlasting is when Jesus is in the middle of it. When we understand and welcome what Jesus has already done and accomplished for us, life has purpose. What counts is what we put our hope, trust, faith, and beliefs into. It’s not just about having faith; it’s what our faith is in. When we open our heart to God and put our hope and faith is in the meaning and purpose of the life of Jesus and His finished work on the cross, change is good. What we change is what we believe. We can change how we think by focusing on what we believe.

What do you believe? We think if just go to church, pray, read the Bible and do all the right things, that makes us good Christians. But being a Christian just isn’t about doing all the right things. If that were all there is to it, then Jesus didn’t need to die on the cross. You see, it’s not who we are and what we do; it’s who Jesus is and what He did. It’s all about Jesus, not you or me. “God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin” (1John 1:5-7.)

Believe that you are righteous. We are righteous because of the perfect life that Jesus lived. We cannot earn the favor of God. There is no merit system to get into heaven. Righteousness means you have been cleansed. We are not holy but Jesus is! God looks at us and doesn’t see our past. He sees us as a new creature in Christ. It’s not about what we have done; it’s about what Jesus has done. “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2Corinthians 5:21.) Righteousness comes by your faith and believing in Jesus.

Believe that God gives you His best. God is for you. He wants the best for you. It’s up to us to believe it, think it, and say it. When you pursue God with all of your heart, you cannot help but prosper. When the unmerited favor of God is upon you, you are like a rubber ball in a pool of water. Natural circumstances can try to push you down and keep you under the water, but God’s grace will always cause you to rise to the top. “But now you have been set free from sin and have become slaves to God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life” (Romans 6:22.)

Believe that God has a deposit in you. Jesus promised “You will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes upon you” (Acts 1:8.) You are never alone. God gave you a comforter. “In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will (Romans 8:26-27.)

Believe that your success is in His grace. Grace frees us from sin, promises eternal life, gives us health, success, opens doors, empowers us, cleans us up, and makes us new. His grace is sufficient for all your needs. Because of what Jesus did, we are pleasing to God. “And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus” (Ephesians 2:6.) As Jesus is in heaven, so we are in this world today.

Believe it, think it, and say it: I will stop struggling to do it on my own. I will believe right so I can think right. I will speak and pray the promises of God. God is working in me, and He will finish what He started. I will trust the Word of God to give me the strength I need. God’s strength is working in me, even in my weakness. I will live by the Holy Spirit who is strengthening me today, in Jesus’ Name.

October 5, 2011

God’s Plan for your Growth

In the first book by the Apostle Peter, God said, “You shall be holy for I am holy” (1Peter 1:13-16). How can God expect us to be holy? After all, He saved us from our un-holiness! He is righteous and holy and His WORD declares: “Who among the gods is like you, LORD? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?” (Exodus 15:10-12). 
God is committed to the task of conforming you to the image and character of Jesus. We are God’s handy work. He is the great potter who molds and shapes us into His image. As we take on the character attributes of Jesus who is grace and truth, we go from being declared righteous to possessing righteousness. This transformation process in the Bible is called sanctification. It is the process of being set apart unto God by the Spirit to grow out of sin and more fully into Christ. “May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through, and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ” (1Thessalonians 5:22-24). 
This is a three-stage process by which He sets us apart for His purposes. Stage one occurs at the moment of our salvation. We are justified. ”We have gained access by faith”. Because of the perfect life Jesus lived and His perfect sacrifice on the cross, we are declared righteous. Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).
Stage two is a lifelong process. The Father has predestined us to be conformed to the image of His Son, and He is continually working to shape our conduct, character, and conversation.  Although God is the one who accomplishes the transformation, we have some responsibility in the process. We start with humility. We admit we cannot do life without Him. We allow God to soften our hearts so we can be teachable. God transforms us through our minds. As we focus on God’s goodness, His favor, and His promises with unwavering faith and devout gratitude, we grow and change. He gave His best to us and He wants the same in return. He wants your very best. All that you want out of life will be yours when you get in alignment with God’s purpose for you and believe it with all of your heart, mind and strength. 
In the third and final stage we find ourselves in ultimate perfection. We will possess absolute holiness. Upon our physical death, the soul and spirit are freed from sin, and in the resurrection, our bodies will be made perfect. We will stand faultless and spotless before Christ. We will be in full possession of holiness and fully transformed.
God is working towards your ultimate perfection in every area of your life right now. God is sanctifying you through and through. All growth in your relationships issues and even growth in emotional turmoil are working out your salvation – it is spiritual growth because growth is all connected. Every area of your life in body, soul, and spirit are connected therefore all growth is spiritual growth when done and viewed in a biblical way.
Examine your view of how spiritual growth and real life are connected. Is there a disconnect between your real life and the life you have with God?

October 4, 2011

Turning to the Path of God’s Kingdom

People who want to experience the growth revealed in the Bible will turn (repent) from the ways of the world, to the ways of the kingdom of God, because the ways of the kingdom work. The kingdom of God, which seeks truth, reality, peace, righteousness, and purity of heart, is altogether different from the kingdom of this earth, which seeks to satisfy the pride and the desires of man. “For this you can be sure: No immoral, impure or greedy person; such a man is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God” (Ephesians 5:5). The path to growth and to make things work, is the path of God’s kingdom, not the ways of the world. For people to grow and find life worth living, they must do the two things to which the kingdom and righteousness refer. They must seek the ways of God (principles and how His kingdom works and operates) and they must live and internalize those ways for themselves.

In the Sermon on the Mount Jesus describes the path to the kingdom: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled. Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy. Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God. Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God. Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me” (Matthew 5:3-11).   

If we could see and understand the things the way the Bible presents them, we would not be opposed to holy living (righteousness). Here is a quick look at the Beatitudes of which is a blue print for a good life: Run from the things that will destroy your life. Be a person of your word, and people will trust you. Don’t do good just to those who are good to you, be good to everyone. Make amends with those who have hurt you and work out your conflict with others. Don’t be religious for show, but be spiritual in the privacy of your own heart. Don’t be materialistic; invest your resources, your time and money into things that will last forever, like God’s ways and people. Stop judging other people; turn your concerns to your own attitudes and behavior. Guard the good things of your heart from those who would want to harm you. Treat other people in the same way you would want to be treated. Beware of false spiritual teachers; examine how they live and notice what happens to the people who follow them. Build a life on what Jesus taught and you will have a solid life on which to stand; when you do and no matter what happens you will get through it.

We are to seek the things of God as a priority over the things of the world because the kingdom of God it is of greater value than all the world’s riches. In our own lives we need to turn (repent) to the ways of God’s kingdom and righteousness, not to be good, but to live well. To find His ways is to find the kingdom. To live out His ways is to find righteousness. To find His kingdom and His righteousness is to find the life God intended you to have.  Is all your time and money spent on goods and activities that will certainly perish, or in the services of God?