Growth is a step-by-step process

All growth and progress is made step by step, following a natural sequence of development. A sequential developmental process is a principle and is common to all areas of life. Children learn to turn over, sit up, crawl, walk, and then run. No step can be skipped. In construction, a strong foundation must be put in place before doing any framing. We know and accept this step-by-step process in the physical and intellectual areas because results are seen and constant evidence supported. But in other areas of human development and in social interaction, we often attempt to short-cut the natural process, substituting expediency over priority, imitation over innovation, cosmetics over character, style over substance, and pretense over competence. We often skip over some important step to save time and effort and still hope to reap the desired rewards.

There are no short cuts in the development of skills such as piano playing or public speaking. Practice makes perfect. How often we do not follow this same principle when it comes to developing our character. It is impossible to ignore and short-cut this process. It is contrary to design and any attempt to bypass the process will result in frustration and confusion. No short-cutting, no pretending or appearing, no making “good impressions”, no amount for “dressing for success” will compensate for lack of skill and judgment. We can “pose” and pretend for a while but eventually we will be found out. Trying to be all things to all people, results in the loss of everybody’s respect.

To relate effectively with others requires emotional strength, because we must learn to listen. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire to understand. Comparisons become dangerous. If we are sure that we are right, we do not want to change. An emotionally undeveloped person will tend to “borrow strength” from position, size, strength, experience, intellect, or emotions to make up for character imbalance. They may be in a position of authority, may be competent, knowledgeable, and skillful but are somewhat emotionally and spiritually immature. They may attempt to compensate for this deficiency, or gap, by borrowing from their position of authority. How do we handle and react to pressure? How does the boss react to the employee when things don’t get done his or her satisfaction?  How does the teacher react when the student challenges her viewpoint? How does the parent react to the difficult child? What are the consequences of their reaction?

We build weakness in three places: First, we build weakness in ourselves. Borrowing strength from position or authority reinforces our own dependence upon external factors to get things done in the future. Second, we build weakness in the other people. Others learn to act or react in terms of fear or conformity, consequently stunting their own reasoning, freedom, growth, and internal discipline. Third, we build weakness in the relationship. It becomes strained. Fear replaces cooperation. Each person involved becomes a little more strained, a little more agitated, and a little more defensive. We remain stuck with the weakness when we borrow strength in this way. Whenever we rely on our own strength instead of the strength in our relationship we have with Christ, we lose and everybody else loses. We must allow God to develop in us an internal capacity and integrity of character to deal with whatever the situation or circumstance calls for.