Why do we get Angry?

The Bible teaches the two greatest commandments are to love God and to love one another. Therefore loving people is the most important thing in life after putting God first. But loving people isn’t always easy because people sometimes aren’t that loveable and they don’t always love us the way we would like them to. The way we feel at any given moment, is often the result, from our perception of our feeling loved or unloved. Anger is common to every person, found in all personality types. Anger is a general term to describe several emotional expressions including frustration, irritability, annoyance, and blowing off steam. Anger is defined as intent to preserve and protect personal worth, essential needs, and basic convictions.

·         Preserving personal worth: When we feel unloved we get angry. The angry person feels that his or her dignity has been demeaned from having been ignored, denied, offended, mistreated, wronged, or controlled. The common message perceived is a lack of respect. Anger is better managed when we can begin to accept God’s grace and truth that produces in us a God given identity, His character, purpose, and eternal value. “How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!” (1John 3:10).

·         Preserving essential needs: Everyone needs love, encouragement, and respect. These needs must be satisfactorily addressed if we are to have emotional well-being. We feel confused, hurt, and angry when our essential needs are not validated. Anger is better managed when we find balance in contentment and thankfulness. “The Lord will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land, and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail” (Isaiah 58:11).   

·         Preserving basic convictions: Anger can be incorrectly associated with trivial matters. There are times when anger may be associated with legitimate concerns, but managed irresponsibly. There is a fine line between knowing when to stand up firmly for your convictions and when to accept the imperfections you see in the world. When anger becomes so much part of your identity that you lose your capacity to find peace, your convictions begin to work against you. Anger is better managed when reasonable issues are communicated in a proper and respectful manner. A person who is growing and maturing need to have a firm foundation of beliefs to guide their lives, yet also need to know how to remain composed when others do not share the same beliefs. “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman, has fulfilled the law” (Romans 13:8).

Anger is only one letter away from danger. Our anger can get the better of us when we are not validated or taken seriously. It is dangerous when we rely solely on the opinions of other’s for our emotional well-being. Where do you get your self-worth from?