Pride causes Anger

Pride is the emotion of self-absorption and self-centeredness, arrogance and conceit, is easily offended, critical of others, and presumptuous focusing only on his or her rights and preferences. When the prideful person does not get his or her way, they overstate their demands: “An angry man stirs up dissensions, and a hot-tempered one commits many sins” (Proverbs 29:22). Pride is a spiritual disease and is the expression of our inborn sinful nature. Anger can be managed as you reconcile with God and His ways.

·         Humility is the antidote to pride: The trait that keeps us in submission to God is humility. While denying self may appear to be a weakness, it actually clears the way for unusual strength. Because God’s plan always leads to healthy interaction, we can be sure that this submission will bring us more success than failures. “Before his downfall a man’s heart is proud, but humility comes before honor” (Proverbs 18:12).

·         Humility is other-focused: As the emotion of self-preoccupation, pride’s bottom line is, “get my needs met.” The Bible’s instruction for successful relationships is to consider others more important than yourself. “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves” (Philippians 2:3). This requires us to be sensitive to others’ feelings and to recognize that their different perceptions can have importance. This is not natural for us to do, and involves a daily, conscious decision on our part. When you practice assertiveness, you can be confident in your choice to communicate your emotions in a constructive fashion while maintaining respect for the other party.

·        Humility accepts limits: Prideful people struggle to maintain balance in their relationships. They create turmoil by imposing their will by attempting to push their preferences and ideas on to others. To establish patterns of successful assertiveness, boundaries must be recognized. First, you must establish personal boundaries, including communicating simple needs to standing openly for deep convictions. Second, you must accept others’ differentness.  Do what is good: “Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men” (Titus 3:1-2).

·         Humility is a choice: If you practice humility as an act of duty only, you would have some success at managing your anger. But then, it wouldn’t really be humility. You’d be living in a subtle form of pride called legalism. Humility is not a duty, it is a choice. By accepting our limits and setting aside self-centeredness, we are not repressing the other emotions. We are putting a higher priority on appropriateness.  Learning to let go of undesirable emotions, like anger, rather than repressing them is unnatural to many. If you have had a history of abuse or if you are accustomed to being invalidated, you have probably learned the trait of repression (denial). To develop humility without repression will require ongoing self-examination.

Give one example of how you became angry because you did not get your way. What was the result? How could you have handled the situation differently? 

Walking along the Growth Path

Our sinful nature means we are broken and unable to fix ourselves. We are rebellious, prideful, and self-centered, wanting control of others, refusing to submit to the will of the Holy Spirit. Only God’s grace and truth reconciles, heals, and restores us back to Him. Relationship with God is possible again when we accept the gift of grace made possible by the Savior’s death and bodily resurrection.

Pressing on toward the goal: Seek Righteousness. “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me” (Philippians 3:12). Examine the external and the internal. “Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and act according to His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13).

Recognize the need: Admitting you do not have it all together and realizing the need is the beginning to growth. The process of spiritual growth begins when people recognize the need for God or growth, or have some type of struggle or problem that requires God’s help. Whenever you can identify the need, you can find the point of entry: Help comes from outside ourselves – that is, from God and others. The following is a partial list of the fruit (symptoms) that are actually the result of deeper soul and spiritual issues:

·         Marriage or dating conflicts, family problems, and career failures

·         Depression, doubt, anxiety, and troubled emotions

·         Addictions and hurts from the past  

Identification of issues: Real change takes place from dealing with the root causes, not just the symptoms. “A good tree cannot bear bad fruit and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit” (Matthew 7:18). Character injuries and immaturities are the central issues that drive the fruit (symptoms).

·         Lack of bonding and trust

·         Problems being separate and setting limits

·         Problems controlling others

·         Inability to deal with one’s badness

·         Problems accepting the failures of others

·         Struggling in relating to the world as an adult

Issues have a history: Our past injury and pride blinds us to the truth and reality that sets us free. For empathy and perspective, be aware of people’s history. Helping others to see and understand the patterns in their lives will help them turn a major corner in their growth. Understanding the past helps people to see what parts are their fault (control, withholding love, non-acceptance), and what parts are the product of living in a fallen world (death of a loved one, chronic illness).

Take ownership: Ownership is about accepting reality. Taking ownership starts when a person comes to the realization of his or her problem and that growth is the only solution. The process often takes time, as people sort out their feelings about the nature and cause of their issues, and then practicing new skills.  

Self-Imposed Anger

Many people will say the reasons behind their anger come from other people or circumstances. Even though external pressures do present difficulties, you still have to take personal responsibility for your choices and how those choices ultimately affect you. The following are some of the more common patterns of self-imposed anger.

·         Moral decline: Too many people increase their anger by compromising their morals to gain acceptance, or not to face the reality of their pain and suffering. In the short term, some satisfaction is felt. But over the long term immorality and emotional turmoil go hand in hand. An immoral lifestyle is one of dissatisfaction and emptiness and that leads to increased frustration. “You my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love” (Galatians 5:13).

·         Work becomes all there is: When people are consumed by work they typically describe themselves as stressed. Overworked, stressful people get angry. Instead, nurture important relationships and set limits regarding activities. “What does a man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?” (Ecclesiastes 1:3). “He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor” (Proverbs 21:21).

·         Poor health habits: There are several unhealthy ways relating to self-imposed anger including overeating, lack of exercise, not enough sleep, smoking, and substance abuse. Each of these habits contributes to irritability, low self-esteem, added stress, and reduces quality of life. People seeking to manage anger properly will logically conclude that physical health is a powerful element of personal stability. “The fear of the Lord adds length to life, but the years of the wicked are cut short” (Proverbs 10:27).

·         Materialism is overemphasized: Problems arise when material gain is required for happiness. Perhaps the most common form of anger associated with material emphasis is envy; frustration over someone else’s possession of something we want. If we run the race of materialism, we become vulnerable to false superiority. Anger is reduced when we feel loved, respected and understood. These things cannot be bought. “Better a dry crust with peace and quiet than a house full of feasting with strife” (Proverbs 17:1).  

·          Spiritual life is ignored: Anger management is ultimately linked to spiritual stability. When spiritual vitality is absent, personal stability is no longer a matter of inner strength.  Daily problems become overwhelming when we do not have an on-going relationship with God. Being a peace with God empowers us to confidently combat worldly imperfections that would otherwise increase irritability and anger. “Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life” (Galatians 6:7-8).

Which of these statements do you identify with, and why? What unmet needs do you think may be driving your behavior? What healthy way can those unmet needs be met? 

False beliefs that cause Anger

Past frustrations can lead to false beliefs. Misconceptions keep us from applying good clear choices of how to best deal with anger and, other issues and struggles. To manage life successfully, we must replace false beliefs with God’s Truth.

1.    My history of rejection leaves me emotionally depleted: Some people believe they are forever jinxed because they have felt rejected several times. This false belief does not prepare people emotionally when others’ do not accept them. So when rejection continues, hope fades while anger builds. “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long” (Psalm 25:4-5).   

2.    God should have stopped my problems: Anger is often a result of suffering. Although it is easy to assume God doesn’t care, the Bible in Romans 8:28, tells us that all things are work together for good for those who trust in God. “Be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through the belief in the truth” (2 Thessalonians 2:13b).

3.    Letting go of my anger means I am conceding defeat: Angry people feel like victims because of wrongs they have endured. Some wrongs are underserved and other wrongs are brought on by poor choices. Either way, victimization causes angry people to conclude that forgiveness is unreasonable. “Consider the blameless, observe the upright; there is a future for the man of peace” (Psalm 37:37).

4.    No one understands my unique problems: Instead of focusing on the differences between your circumstances and those of other people, we can come to see that everyone knows disappointment in one way or another. “In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith, of greater worth than gold, which perishes even through refined fire, may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Christ Jesus is revealed” (1 Peter 1:6-9).

5.    I don’t deserve to be happy: Sometimes we allow ourselves to be weighed down by the issues of others. Instead of taking responsibility for their issues, we can view our efforts at making healthy choices as a responsible contribution to the well-being of those who play important roles in our lives. “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:67).  

6.    There is nothing to look forward to anymore: When people have a pattern of irritability, it is easy for them to conclude that their future will be no different. Angry people can be so tied to their angry pattern they falsely conclude that attempts to change would be pointless. “No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him” (2 Corinthians 2:9).

Developing a Vibrant Faith

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).

What fuels your love for the Lord? The Apostle Paul had a strong commitment and devotion to God. His love for the Lord was obvious because Jesus was always at the center of his beliefs, thoughts, and words, in all he did including work, ministry, and even during trials and suffering.

Share your story: Paul's conversion experience on the road to Damascus was a motivating force in his life (see Acts 9:1-19). Grateful for the gift of grace and mercy he received at salvation, Paul passionately shared with people about his encounter with the resurrected Christ and its resulting impact on him. Just like the Apostle Paul, we have a story to share of God's mercy and forgiveness through salvation and of the new beginning we have in Him.

The gift that keeps on giving: Paul's passion also came from his firm conviction that the gospel message of grace is absolute truth and available to everyone. On the cross, Jesus took all our sins including past, present, and future, upon Him. His suffering and sacrifice was necessary so we might receive forgiveness and redemption, putting us into a right relationship with the Father. Through faith in Jesus Christ, we have been born again and the Holy Spirit who lives in us at the moment of salvation helps us every day. The more we understand what Jesus accomplished on the cross for our behalf, the greater our passion will be to share the gospel.

Everyday living: Developing a vibrant faith requires time and energy plus a commitment to obey God. Studying the Bible regularly will strengthen your beliefs and give you courage to speak. Caring about the spiritual welfare of others will move you into action. Seek God with all your mind, heart and soul and serve Jesus wherever He leads you. 

Excessive Control causes Anger

Control is not always bad. We need organization and structure to properly function in our lives. As we grow, we learn the value of cooperation and compromises within our relationships. But sometimes that cooperation is replaced by unreasonable demands. These demands can cause us to feel controlled, and that leads to anger. The following three factors stand out in people who are excessive controllers:

1.    Performance over relationships: Performance is important, but how we think and feel are at the core of who we are. Anger comes when we receive unsolicited advice instead of a sympathetic listener. Relating in love is when relationship takes priority over performance, and personal, intimate matters become the focus.

2.    Differentness is threatening: Most people enjoy new and unique experiences and they consider themselves open-minded enough to allow others to be different. On the other hand, most people want emotional and relational issues to be predictable and familiar. Anger comes when we are told not to be different, and then pressured to conform to the other person’s way of thinking.

3.    Obligation is perceived as mandatory: While accomplishing tasks is important, but to some, obligation is all that really matters. There is a resistance to control because people feel the other person doesn’t care and that their choices have been taken away.  Anger and frustration comes when the relationship is by-passed, and when acceptance comes only when we give into the demands of the other person. 

Responding to other’s control: Control is an invitation to a power play. When someone is being unfair, we consider it our responsibility to correct the unfairness. Or, we can be very uncooperative when treated unfavorably. When we resolve not to respond to a wrong with a wrong, we exercise personal responsibility. We also show ourselves to be less dependent on human input and more dependent on God’s guidance. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

Acknowledge freedom: Freedom is part of God’s plan of who we are. While we cannot fully stop other people from attempting to control us, we can learn that we are free to disagree and sidestep their demands. Make the most responsible choices of how to respond with assertiveness or dropping it. “It is freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

Stand firm: It is only when we trust in God that we will be able to find the strength and stability to make it through life’s storms and struggles. “May the Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word” (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17). What steps are you taking towards giving God the things you cannot control?

A Godly Heart

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). The Lord promises to give us the desires of our hearts. But many people take this passage out of context, forgetting that their own mindset plays a vital part in bringing it to fruition. As a wise person once said, "Where your mind goes, your feet go, so be careful what you think about." What is your responsibility when it comes to claiming promises from God?

Delight yourselves in the Lord: Rejoice in God and desire to walk in obedience. “If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand (Psalm 37:23-24). The Lord must have first place in your life before you can claim the promise.

Commit your ways to the Lord: “Commit your way to the Lord; trust Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun” (Psalm 37:5-6). Allow God to change any aspect of your ambition that is not His will. Remember that when He doesn't answer a prayer as you wished, it is for a reason.

Trust Him: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture” (Psalm 37:3). God is merciful, all-knowing, kind, and generous. You can trust Him with your hopes and dreams.

Rest in Him: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways when they carry out their wicked schemes” (Psalm 37:7) Resting in the Lord means trusting Him to answer prayers in His timing or transform your desires  so they conform to His will.

Put your Hope in the Lord: “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land” (Psalm 37:8-9). Only when you surrender to Him will you experience God's best for your life.

Do your desires align with God's purpose and plan for your life? He longs to give His followers abundant blessings and fullness of joy. Allow your dreams to be conformed to the Lord's will, and follow His guidance faithfully. 

Developing a Tender Heart

“I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people and I will be your God” (Ezekiel 36:25-28).

The Lord wants to give each of us a "heart of flesh" so that we will be moldable and responsive to Him. When touched by God, a tender, yielding heart summits to the pressure and accepts the form He desires much like a lump of clay that allows the potter to determine the shape of the vessel. The following four areas provide insight in developing a tender heart.

The Holy Spirit: God’s gift of the Holy Spirit dwells in each believer. By yielding to the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with a willingness and readiness to obey, the heart becomes increasingly tender and sensitive to His leading. The Lord is able to impart greater understanding of His Word to a tender heart because it has faithfully accepted and obeyed previous teachings.

Stay connected with God: Any resistance to God will result in hardening. But those who are accustomed to intimacy with Christ, which is the result of submission to Him, will be quick to deal with sin and return to the place of obedience and blessing.

Stay connected with other believers: People with tender hearts stay closely connected to the body of Christ, seeking to encourage others in their walk of faith. Such individuals are not only receptive to what God wants to tell them they are also teachable, willing to listen, and be corrected by others.

Make Bible reading and pray a priority: As you read the Word and pray, let your heart be tender toward the words of God. As He touches you in each hard area, listen to His direction, and lean on the power of the Spirit to help you yield and obey. Allow Him shape you into a beautiful and useful vessel.