The Fuel of Loneliness

You do not have to remain in a rut of isolation and loneliness. You can make the choice to minimize this problem by adjusting your thoughts and activities. To overcome loneliness requires a willingness to come out of your shell and make yourself known.

Why we feel lonely: Loneliness is the emotion of isolation and the uncomfortable awareness that gaps exist in your relationships. “Because of all my enemies, I am the utter contempt of my neighbors; I am a dread to my friends, those who see me on the street flee from me” (Psalm 31:11). Something seems to be missing. Acceptance from others does not come as often as you would like. You find yourself yearning to be with someone other than the person you are with. Change comes when you begin to understand the reason for those gaps. Loneliness is fueled from the following ways:

·         We have a sinful nature: We say we feel lonely because of frustrated relationships, painful pasts, or poor social skills. Ultimately, we feel lonely because sin causes us to be separated from God which keeps us from fully knowing relationship and experiencing contentment. “You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God” (James 4:4). Because of our sinful nature, feelings of isolation are inevitable in each of us.  

·         We neglect relationships: Our sinful nature causes in us, a vulnerability to loneliness. Neglecting relationships is also partially to be at blame. We can be too busy with work, errands, and activities and overlook the more important stuff like sharing personal rewarding time with other adults. Being too busy is not the only way to neglect relational growth. We can also be lazy about making the effort to maintain satisfactory ties with others. “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). While achieving career goals and meeting schedules are important and should not be neglected, it is important to prioritize the most important goal and that is to relate, first with God, and then with others.    

·         We do not state our needs successfully: Negative communication patterns to change are when you try too hard to defend your position too powerfully. People will get the impression that you lack confidence in what you are saying, so they don’t take you seriously. The result leaves you feeling disconnected.  Instead, start by taking the insistence and intensity out of your voice. Communicate your need it in an even tone of voice. Know what it is you want to say in a compact, precise expression without wasted words. There is no guarantee others will respond to your needs once you’ve shared them. But by presenting yourself in a more composed manner, you will not receive the rejection as powerfully.

Relationships help us to grow. We need people and people need us. What meaningful relationships are you neglecting? Expressing your needs is the deepest level of communication. How can you begin to communicate your needs more effectively?