Managing your Anger

Our challenge is in how we manage our anger. Three unhealthy choices of dealing with anger include Suppressing Anger, Open Aggression, and Passive Aggression. By contrast, there are two healthy choices of managing anger. Assertive Anger involves stating our needs and feelings in a manner that still show respect for another. Dropping Anger includes adjusting yourself to reality and forgiveness.

Suppressing Anger: Many people don’t admit their anger so they deny it. This is a type of emotional dishonesty and phoniness. They are concerned more with their lofty image than their relationships. They never want to appear weak or inferior, so they stubbornly maintain an outer front of having it all together. Other people who suppress anger have recognized that rageful anger has no place in a healthy personality, so they believe all anger is wrong. Anger is painful and it does destroy relationships so it is easy to conclude, “If this is what anger leads to, I want nothing to do with it,” so they suppress it.

Open Aggression: Open Aggression can easily be identified because it does not hide in the same way as Suppressing Anger does. This includes explosiveness, rage, intimidation, blame, bickering, criticism, griping, and sarcasm. There is a focus that so strongly emphasizes personal needs, there is a powerful insensitivity to the needs of others with high odds of foul play. A major reason for OA is majoring in the minors: too much emotional energy is spent on trivial matters that simply won’t go away. Emotionally balanced people accept imperfections and acknowledge their limits to force people in a mold. Another reason for OA is personal insecurity. They are so needy in wanting respect they take this normal desire too far. Their emotional stability hangs by a thread, with extreme dependency of the unbending cooperation of others.

Passive Aggression: Like OA, anger expressed through PA involves preserving personal worth, needs, and convictions at someone else’s expense. But it differs in that it is accomplished in a quiet manner. Also like OA, PA is caused by a need to have control and is engaged in a battle of superiority. These people have realized that too much honesty about personal differences lessons his or her ability to maintain an upper hand. Many of these people already have a habit of Suppressing Anger.

Assertive Anger: If you feel disrespected and do nothing to properly address your needs, eventually you will become sour, bitter, and your contribution to relationships will be negative. Two key reminders will help as you learn to communication assertively: (1) Choose issues that are worthy of your emotional energy. (2)Be aware of how your tone of voice can create an atmosphere of respect for others. Your goal is to communicate your emotions in a constructive fashion while maintaining respect for the other party.

Dropping Anger: This option includes tolerance of differences, as well as choosing to forgive. That means you let go, and accept your inability to completely control circumstances. Dropping Anger does not hinge on someone else’s decisions. While a spirit of teamwork can be most beneficial to anger reduction, it is not a must.

Discussion questions: How can you be honest with someone while still respecting them? What are some situations in your life in which you could drop your anger?