Anger reflects inferiority feelings

Anger involves standing up for your basic needs, which implies that you feel you’re in a down position at that moment. In its best use, anger elevates you from a low position to one of equality with the person who is being disrespectful. But when you feel too strongly compelled to stand up for your needs, you are struggling too powerfully with the feeling of being put down.

Everyone feels inferior at times: Have you ever asked yourself why you are often impatient in spite of your desire to be otherwise? Do you get caught in critical thinking patterns even though you want to be more positive? Have you treated family members insensitively and later regretted that you hadn’t acted as kindly as you knew you should? We all have had moments like these. Despite our good intentions, something keeps us from being what we perceive to be as perfect. That something is our natural bent toward sin. In moderating your anger it can be helpful to be aware of two common traps: (1) the trap of succumbing to inferiority feelings and (2) the trap of attempting to be falsely superior.

We succumb to inferiority feelings: Somehow we learn to think we are less than acceptable because of our humanness. For some, their self-esteem is tied closely to their latest performance. Or maybe they were treated unfairly by someone in authority. Whatever the situation, the message is “you are not as perfect as you should be.”

We seek false superiority: When feelings of inferiority come upon us, we look for an escape. The most common is to seek an edge of superiority. When you react to difficulties with the thought “I’ve got to get the upper hand”, you are declaring war. This brings out the worst in your own personality and in the other person. The key to healthy anger is to communicate it with respect.

Recognizing equality: To avoid the inferior-superior trap, we must acknowledge that we are all equal in human value. Because of pride and arrogance we might be inclined to think we are better than a criminal. No one can determine the value of another human until they experience all the obstacles he had to face. We didn’t grow up with the same parents, the same teachers, peers or social relationships. We don’t have the same genetic makeup or inborn temperament. The point is, it is folly to try to compare our human values because we don’t have the same playing fields. When we are emotionally prompted to preserve our worth, needs, or convictions, we will have no desire to gain an upper hand or insult the other person as a means of elevating ourselves.

Minimizing evaluations: Human beings are obsessed with evaluative standings. We feel compelled to grade the performance. Our self-esteem then rises or falls based on the latest report card. A strong emphasis on evaluation coupled with the inevitable inability to be perfect leads to frustration and anger. Accept feedback and be willing to learn, but don’t let your emotional stability hang on the latest evaluation. Sidestepping human evaluations keeps us from being aggressive and competitive. Rather than getting lured into false games of superiority, we are more capable of seeing people for what they are: fellow sinners who have an equal need for God’s grace.