Loneliness creates Anger

You do not have to remain in a rut of isolation and loneliness. You can make the choice to minimize this problem by adjusting your thoughts and activities. Successful anger management requires a willingness to come out of your shell and make yourself known.

Why we feel lonely: Loneliness is the emotion of isolation and the uncomfortable awareness that gaps exist in your relationships. Something seems to be missing. Acceptance from others does not come as often as you would like. The persons you want to be close to, does not share your relational goals. You become more frustrated by working harder at keeping relations going than your friends, relatives, or others do. You find yourself yearning to be with someone other than the person you are with. Anger can be reduced when the causes of those gaps is understood. A sinful nature, neglecting relationships, and failure to state needs successfully are the primarily causes of why we feel lonely.  

Our sinful nature: We say we feel lonely because of frustrated relationships, painful pasts, or poor social skills. Ultimately, we feel lonely because sin causes us to be separated from God which keeps us from fully knowing relationship and experiencing contentment. One of the first emotional results of the fall was loneliness. In fear, Adam hid from God and from his wife. He was ashamed to reveal himself fully. Looking for ways to cover up his vulnerabilities, he became evasive and phony. Since then, every person has experienced the feelings of loneliness. Feelings of isolation are inevitable in each of us.   

We neglect relationships: Our sinful nature causes in us, a vulnerability to loneliness.  Neglecting relationships is also partially to be at blame. We can be too busy with work, errands, and activities and overlook the more important stuff like meaningful dialogue and sharing personal rewarding time with other adults. Being too busy is not the only way to neglect relational growth. We can also be lazy about making the effort to maintain satisfactory ties with others. While achieving career goals and meeting schedules are important and should not be neglected, it is important to prioritize the most important goal and that is to relate, first with God, and then with others.     

We do not state our needs successfully: Anger increases, when we perceive others care very little about our personal needs. We think, “Why can’t people just understand what I need?” Of course no one can read minds so instead, we need to find more successful ways of communicating. Negative communication patterns to avoid or change is when you try too hard to persuade others that your needs are legitimate or if you defend your position too powerfully. People will get the impression that you lack confidence in what you are saying, so they don’t take you seriously. The result leaves you feeling disconnected and then angry. Instead, start by taking the insistence and intensity out of your voice. When you have a legitimate need, state it in an even tone of voice and be succinct. Know what it is you want to say in a compact, precise expression without wasted words. There is no guarantee others will respond to your needs once you’ve shared them. But by presenting yourself in a more composed manner, you will not receive the rejection as powerfully.