Developing a Vibrant Faith

“His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness” (2 Peter 1:3).

What fuels your love for the Lord? The Apostle Paul had a strong commitment and devotion to God. His love for the Lord was obvious because Jesus was always at the center of his beliefs, thoughts, and words, in all he did including work, ministry, and even during trials and suffering.

Share your story: Paul's conversion experience on the road to Damascus was a motivating force in his life (see Acts 9:1-19). Grateful for the gift of grace and mercy he received at salvation, Paul passionately shared with people about his encounter with the resurrected Christ and its resulting impact on him. Just like the Apostle Paul, we have a story to share of God's mercy and forgiveness through salvation and of the new beginning we have in Him.

The gift that keeps on giving: Paul's passion also came from his firm conviction that the gospel message of grace is absolute truth and available to everyone. On the cross, Jesus took all our sins including past, present, and future, upon Him. His suffering and sacrifice was necessary so we might receive forgiveness and redemption, putting us into a right relationship with the Father. Through faith in Jesus Christ, we have been born again and the Holy Spirit who lives in us at the moment of salvation helps us every day. The more we understand what Jesus accomplished on the cross for our behalf, the greater our passion will be to share the gospel.

Everyday living: Developing a vibrant faith requires time and energy plus a commitment to obey God. Studying the Bible regularly will strengthen your beliefs and give you courage to speak. Caring about the spiritual welfare of others will move you into action. Seek God with all your mind, heart and soul and serve Jesus wherever He leads you. 

Excessive Control causes Anger

Control is not always bad. We need organization and structure to properly function in our lives. As we grow, we learn the value of cooperation and compromises within our relationships. But sometimes that cooperation is replaced by unreasonable demands. These demands can cause us to feel controlled, and that leads to anger. The following three factors stand out in people who are excessive controllers:

1.    Performance over relationships: Performance is important, but how we think and feel are at the core of who we are. Anger comes when we receive unsolicited advice instead of a sympathetic listener. Relating in love is when relationship takes priority over performance, and personal, intimate matters become the focus.

2.    Differentness is threatening: Most people enjoy new and unique experiences and they consider themselves open-minded enough to allow others to be different. On the other hand, most people want emotional and relational issues to be predictable and familiar. Anger comes when we are told not to be different, and then pressured to conform to the other person’s way of thinking.

3.    Obligation is perceived as mandatory: While accomplishing tasks is important, but to some, obligation is all that really matters. There is a resistance to control because people feel the other person doesn’t care and that their choices have been taken away.  Anger and frustration comes when the relationship is by-passed, and when acceptance comes only when we give into the demands of the other person. 

Responding to other’s control: Control is an invitation to a power play. When someone is being unfair, we consider it our responsibility to correct the unfairness. Or, we can be very uncooperative when treated unfavorably. When we resolve not to respond to a wrong with a wrong, we exercise personal responsibility. We also show ourselves to be less dependent on human input and more dependent on God’s guidance. “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

Acknowledge freedom: Freedom is part of God’s plan of who we are. While we cannot fully stop other people from attempting to control us, we can learn that we are free to disagree and sidestep their demands. Make the most responsible choices of how to respond with assertiveness or dropping it. “It is freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

Stand firm: It is only when we trust in God that we will be able to find the strength and stability to make it through life’s storms and struggles. “May the Lord Jesus Christ Himself and God our Father, who loved us and by His grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word” (2 Thessalonians 2:16-17). What steps are you taking towards giving God the things you cannot control?

A Godly Heart

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart” (Psalm 37:4). The Lord promises to give us the desires of our hearts. But many people take this passage out of context, forgetting that their own mindset plays a vital part in bringing it to fruition. As a wise person once said, "Where your mind goes, your feet go, so be careful what you think about." What is your responsibility when it comes to claiming promises from God?

Delight yourselves in the Lord: Rejoice in God and desire to walk in obedience. “If the Lord delights in a man’s way, He makes his steps firm; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand (Psalm 37:23-24). The Lord must have first place in your life before you can claim the promise.

Commit your ways to the Lord: “Commit your way to the Lord; trust Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun” (Psalm 37:5-6). Allow God to change any aspect of your ambition that is not His will. Remember that when He doesn't answer a prayer as you wished, it is for a reason.

Trust Him: “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture” (Psalm 37:3). God is merciful, all-knowing, kind, and generous. You can trust Him with your hopes and dreams.

Rest in Him: “Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways when they carry out their wicked schemes” (Psalm 37:7) Resting in the Lord means trusting Him to answer prayers in His timing or transform your desires  so they conform to His will.

Put your Hope in the Lord: “Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret- it leads only evil. For evil men will be cut off, but those who hope in the Lord will inherit the land” (Psalm 37:8-9). Only when you surrender to Him will you experience God's best for your life.

Do your desires align with God's purpose and plan for your life? He longs to give His followers abundant blessings and fullness of joy. Allow your dreams to be conformed to the Lord's will, and follow His guidance faithfully. 

Developing a Tender Heart

“I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws. You will live in the land I gave your forefathers; you will be my people and I will be your God” (Ezekiel 36:25-28).

The Lord wants to give each of us a "heart of flesh" so that we will be moldable and responsive to Him. When touched by God, a tender, yielding heart summits to the pressure and accepts the form He desires much like a lump of clay that allows the potter to determine the shape of the vessel. The following four areas provide insight in developing a tender heart.

The Holy Spirit: God’s gift of the Holy Spirit dwells in each believer. By yielding to the inspiration of the Holy Spirit with a willingness and readiness to obey, the heart becomes increasingly tender and sensitive to His leading. The Lord is able to impart greater understanding of His Word to a tender heart because it has faithfully accepted and obeyed previous teachings.

Stay connected with God: Any resistance to God will result in hardening. But those who are accustomed to intimacy with Christ, which is the result of submission to Him, will be quick to deal with sin and return to the place of obedience and blessing.

Stay connected with other believers: People with tender hearts stay closely connected to the body of Christ, seeking to encourage others in their walk of faith. Such individuals are not only receptive to what God wants to tell them they are also teachable, willing to listen, and be corrected by others.

Make Bible reading and pray a priority: As you read the Word and pray, let your heart be tender toward the words of God. As He touches you in each hard area, listen to His direction, and lean on the power of the Spirit to help you yield and obey. Allow Him shape you into a beautiful and useful vessel.

A Clean Heart

“How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you” (Psalm 119:9-11).

Reaching our full potential begins with a clean heart. A clean heart is one that loves the Lord and desires to obey Him. However, each of us was born with a sinful nature, bent away from God. “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9). Pleasing and pleasuring self is man’s normal state.

Salvation changed our hearts and lives: Jesus’ death on the cross paid the penalty for our sin and broke its power over us. By receiving Christ as Savior, we each became a new creation, with a heart sensitive to the Holy Spirit’s leading and a mind that strongly desires to know the Father better. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). We also received the Spirit’s power to deny our selfish desires and obey God. With clean hearts, we can begin to realize the capabilities our loving Lord has given us.

Maintaining your heart: The best way to maintain a clean heart is by meditating on Scripture. It acts like a mirror in which we see ourselves as God does. Through it, we discover the areas where we have been faithful and also the places where we’ve veered from His path. Expressing genuine repentance brings God’s forgiveness and cleansing (1 John 1:9). Cooperating with the Holy Spirit’s transforming work will help us keep our hearts clean. 

Seeking the heart of God: The heart represents the seat of our mind, will, and emotions. When we strive to keep it pure, we will more easily discern the Lord’s plan, submit our will to His, and follow Him obediently. Becoming the person God planned for each of us to be requires an intimate relationship with Him and a desire to obey His Word. Apart from Jesus, we can’t achieve anything of lasting value (John 15:5). 

Developing Spiritual Well-being

Dependency is a normal part of human development. It is the glue that holds relationships together. When we feel consistently loved our emotions show it through our stability. The more we struggle with anger, the more it indicates that our need for love was not met. Through anger we cry the unspoken question, “Why can’t you just love me?”

Feeling unloved breed’s extreme dependency: Extreme dependency allows thoughts and emotions to be dictated by external circumstances. Extreme dependency thinks: “I’ve got to have steady surroundings so I can be stable. I worry about how others treat me.” This we can be sure: His love never changes, His mercy is everlasting.  “My salvation and my honor depend on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge” (Psalm 62:7).

Developing Spiritual well-being: When your dependency on humans is exchanged for a dependency on strength from God, you begin to learn what it means to have a deeply rooted sense of spiritual well-being. Our dependency for love can be met by accepting God’s great declaration of our worth. “He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity, and honor” (Proverbs 21:21). Knowing you can draw upon spiritual strength, you can choose not to let your anger be at the mercy of your environment. Balancing your dependencies can be achieved in part by the following four ways:

1.    Spiritual well-being occurs as we acknowledge our own inability to solve all our own problems. As we admit our weaknesses we take a step toward personal stability. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, that Christ’s power may rest on me” (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

2.    Acknowledge the unreliability of other people. This encourages us to accept the reality of the sinful nature in us all. Put your hope in God, not in people. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). 

3.    Yield yourself to the will of Christ and summit your life to His ways. You will no longer be bound by the opinions of others, and your success is inevitable. “Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my savior, and my hope is in you all day long” (Psalm 25:4-5).   

4.    Spiritual well-being comes by choosing to endorse the healthy characteristics prescribed in God’s Word by setting boundaries and acting assertively when necessary. “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him” (Colossians 3:16).  

Measuring your Spiritual Growth

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child; I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:11-12).  

Since our Heavenly Father wants us to mature in the faith, we should stop from time to time and examine our lives to see if we're making progress in this area. Physical growth is fairly easy to evaluate, all you need is a tape measure. But how can you tell if you're growing spiritually?

Desires: Have you noticed that your childhood toys no longer interest you? The maturing process changes our desires in the spiritual realm too. When we're growing, the world's pleasures lose their appeal, while our hunger for God and His Word increases. We are eager to be with Him and share with others how He's working in our lives.

Understanding: When you were young, your perception of the world was very limited. In the same way, we lack spiritual understanding when we're new believers. But in time, we begin to see life from God’s perspective. Trials and temptations become opportunities for growth, and service for the Lord becomes an honor instead of a burden.

Selflessness: The most obvious sign of a child's immaturity is his or her selfishness. He wants his way, and he wants it now! Hopefully that is no longer characteristic of you. A mature believer is submissive to the Lord, willing to wait, and more concerned about others than themselves. How are you doing in these three areas of growth? Maybe it's time to let go of a few childish ways in order to grow into a mature believer. The greatest evidence of maturity is love. When the Lord and other people have first place in our hearts, it's then that we're most like Jesus.

Declaration

“I am a person of vision, purpose, and destiny. I am important to God, created to live a life of significance and influence in my family, in my church, and in my community. I am an overcomer and more than a conqueror. God is not only with me, He is for me. The best is yet to come! Do you believe it? Believe it, think it, and say it!”

Declaration Insights

·        Vision is Hope. Vision is looking forward with great anticipation that something good is going to happen.

·        Our Purpose is growing fully into the likeness of Jesus Christ, bringing Light to the world and glory to God.

·        Unlike luck or chance which is random, God has a divine plan for your life. Your Destiny is the result of being in alignment with the will of God.  

·        Significance means importance, and meaningfulness.

·        Influence is giving your time, talents, and other resources, and using them to fulfill the purpose of God. 

·        An Overcomer is in the process of being free from bondage, prevailing over struggles and weaknesses.

·        You are a Conqueror when you have victory over your enemy!

You make the choice: “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifices to God” (Ephesians 5:1-2).

God makes the change: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, the old has gone, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

A Call to Godly Living

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God-this is your spiritual act of worship” (Romans 12:1).

Not unlike today’s world, the apostle Paul lived in an age when sensuality, the pursuit of pleasure, and rebellion against the Lord were common place. He responded by writing letters urging Christians not to follow in the ways of the world. Like those early believers, we are to pursue godliness by the following:

Presenting our bodies to God: Who we are, that is, our total being, mind, will, emotions, personality, and physical body, are to be turned over to our heavenly Father (James 4:7a). Submitting ourselves to the Lord requires a defining decision to give Him complete control and a daily commitment to remain under His authority. By surrendering to Him, we position ourselves for godly living.

Becoming living sacrifices:  The Christian life is built around the concept of sacrifice. Jesus left the perfection of heaven to dwell among a sinful people so He might reconcile us to God. He offered up His life to make payment for our sins (1 John 3:16) and brought us into His family. As believers, we are to follow His example. Paul called it a living sacrifice, because it is ongoing and one that is repeated daily.

Life is full of options: Many decisions involve a choice between following God's way or our own. Maturing Christians will increasingly sacrifice their own desires and embrace His will. A life of godliness is characterized by a heart and mind bent toward the things of God. Although we will live imperfectly, our focus is to be on obeying His will and pleasing Him. Let's commit to becoming more like Jesus, the One who willingly gave Himself to God as a sacrifice for us.

Anger is a Choice: Being Accountable

There are three elements for anger management to come full circle. First, you must identify the anger in its many forms. Second, begin to understand the factors causing anger to remain. Third, change your patterns of thinking to promote a healthier lifestyle consistent with Biblical principles by learning God’s ways and applying them to daily living. It is important to succeed in all three. If you fail to implement the third step, your efforts will not produce the results you desire. New insights and awareness mean very little until they prompt you to make significant adjustments in your behavior and lifestyle.

Appling your insights: Anger management advances when awareness is put into action. You can make several adjustments in your behavior to confirm that you have succeed in managing your anger including, setting goals to be more relational, making amends, choose to be positive in your communication, and being authentic.    

Set Goals to become more relational: Anger expressed improperly fails to achieve its goal. Misused anger creates an emotional atmosphere of rejection, pessimism (expecting the worst), and self-centeredness, ultimately leaving everyone involved dissatisfied. Once you begin to understand the root causes of your anger, create goals that will reflect a change of heart. Be known as someone who finds the good in others. Find joy in the small pleasures of life, such as a quiet dinner with family. Be courteous to others even when problems are not completely resolved. Choose to accept the imperfections of others, just as you want others to accept your imperfections.

Making amends with those you have wronged: An inevitable by-product of misguided anger is damaged relationships. It is not enough for us to resolve to move forward with a new perspective on managing anger. To truly find balance we must be willing to make amends with those who been hurt by our past behavior and attitudes such as asking the one whom you offended to forgive you for specific wrongs. While there are no guarantees that we can tie down all loose ends involving past anger, we can proceed with a clean future when we are willing to take the lead in our commitments to emotional healthiness.

Choose to be positive in your communication: Ongoing anger inhibits positive traits. Rather than being friendly or encouraging, anger can cause us to be cynical, critical, or withdrawn. Instead, be a better listener. Initiate friendly and sincere exchange. Show some enthusiasm towards the interests of others. Be more flexible and less rigid in your daily interactions. The true test of anger management is revealed in who you become after you have chosen to manage your anger differently. Balance is found when reasonable issues are communicated in a proper and respectful manner.

 

Be authentic about your anger-management efforts: For change to be effective, you need to be open and real about your changes with people who know you well. It is one thing to decide quietly that you will handle your anger more appropriately, but you will be more powerfully motivated to maintain your adjustments when you openly describe what will be different. As we share our needs and plans, we create the very atmosphere of growth and encouragement that will prompt ongoing emotional healthiness. 

Why Anger Lingers

Rationalizations that perpetuate anger: Facing reality is difficult. We may really want to change but we resist the idea of hard work. It requires persistent effort and willingness to restructure the thoughts and perceptions that guide and direct us. When we cling to anger in spite of potentially helpful knowledge and insights, it is usually due to making excuses to avoid the hard work of change. Instead of admitting that we have chosen to react in anger, we would rather believe, “My anger is in me because of someone else’s problems.” 

My past is too painful: Most people with long-standing anger problems have an emotional history full of pain. Most commonly, angry people recall having a parent with a foul temper. Later in life, these same people have similar painful experiences in their adult lives with spouses, relatives, or close friends. After years of enduring attacks, futility settles in, causing a pessimistic “what’s–the-use?” mind-set to guide their emotions. To get beyond a painful past, we must humbly admit our inability to control others. This requires us to accept a difficult notion: Pain is inevitable, cannot be fully controlled or eliminated, and sometimes is almost unbearable. You cannot control the past, but you can choose a new direction for yourself.

Forgiveness is too good: The ultimate goal in anger management is to drop the anger and instead, choose forgiveness. But what happens when the person to be forgiven has done nothing to deserve that forgiveness? We cling to anger because forgiveness seems to let others off the hook too easily. Certainly the person being forgiven can choose to feel a sense of relief and can decide to mend his or her erroneous ways. However, there is no guarantee this will always occur, but we are still potentially assisting others in their spiritual growth when we choose to forgive. An ever higher motive to forgive is that it pleases God when we yield to His guidance. Forgiveness honors Him.

Why should I try when nobody else does? Anger reduction is much easier when everyone involved makes equal effort toward harmony. But that’s not very likely in many cases. Usually, one person lags behind the efforts of another. They cling to their anger, because they perceive things are not fair. We ask for more trouble when we require fairness as a prerequisite for anger management. You may really want to resolve the problem, but in light of the other person’s stubborn ignorance you stay stuck in your anger, waiting for him or her to make the right move. You can move forward, but to do so, you’ll have to drop the idea that things must be fair.

Anger is a familiar habit: Just as we can become addicted to alcohol, food, or materialism, we can also become addicted to anger. Some people seem to enjoy staying angry. Anger has become a core element to their identity. Inwardly, something tells them that their anger is harmful, yet it is such a familiar habit they wouldn’t know how to think or act without it. They’re angry response far exceeds the importance of the conflict at hand. While you cannot dictate which emotions will or will not enter your mind, you have a choice about the intensity of that emotion. To reduce anger, take responsibility by allowing God to guide your emotions and take personal accountability for your own choices. 

Managing a Child’s Anger

Ideally, managing your anger is learned during childhood and improved throughout the growing stages of life. Sadly, many adults were not properly guided in using healthy anger during their own childhoods. Their bad habits were then passed on to the next generation, continuing until someone steps forward to break the cycle. The following are six keys to handling a child’s anger:

Don’t be threatened by your child’s anger: When we respond in fear to a child’s anger, we communicate, “You are a very powerful force in my life and I have to overwhelm you to teach you anything.” If you easily caught in power plays or if you often speak intensely to your child, you may be exhibiting unresolved fears that are manifested as defensiveness and reveal how threatened you are. Instead, quietly hold firm to your rightful authority. Be fair and don’t attempt to oversell your position.   

Let choices and consequences shape the child: When a child is rude or disruptive, most adults want their child to stop the behavior. Often, they tell the child how to think by giving lectures and follow up with threats. The child’s anger increases because the adult is not letting the child make choices. Instead, encourage your child to take greater responsibility for his or her anger. Ask them what options they have to manage their frustration. Keep putting it back onto them to make a choice that makes the most sense. Teach them that some choices have unfavorable consequences. They will soon learn to pick a different option with a more positive outcome.

Don’t preach: Our greatest impact on our children is not in the words we speak but in the way we deliver those words. When we speak too strongly it implies disrespect, lack of trust, and personal insecurity. Instead, keep an even tone. You are showing your children how to disagree without being disagreeable and that differentness does not have to result in conflict.

Don’t major in the minors: Too often we expend excessive energy on issues of little significance, increasing the atmosphere of unnecessary anger. When a seven-year-old spills a drink on the kitchen floor the parent complains repeatedly about the child’s clumsiness, warning it cannot be tolerated. When we respond this way, the important matters of relationship including respect, encouragement, and empathy, take a back seat to perfectionism, selfishness, impatience, and petty preferences. Learn to choose your battles, let minor issues remain minor, and your child’s anger will be minimized.

Share your own experiences: When parents refuse to be vulnerable with their children, they create an atmosphere of phoniness and false superiority, and the child resents it. Instead, be real and authentic so communication is increased. You will become more believable and therefore, more approachable. This removes the pressure for them to be perfect, and anger is reduced.

Incorporate spiritual insights delicately: Anger management is ultimately a function of spiritual maturity. Children need guidance to incorporate biblical truths into their daily lives. Learn to communicate in deeper ways. Take common situations and ask them to apply spiritual values to those situations. Encourage a thirst for knowledge about biblical truths and your child’s beliefs will be less legalistic and more personally meaningful. 

Anger reflects inferiority feelings

Anger involves standing up for your basic needs, which implies that you feel you’re in a down position at that moment. In its best use, anger elevates you from a low position to one of equality with the person who is being disrespectful. But when you feel too strongly compelled to stand up for your needs, you are struggling too powerfully with the feeling of being put down.

Everyone feels inferior at times: Have you ever asked yourself why you are often impatient in spite of your desire to be otherwise? Do you get caught in critical thinking patterns even though you want to be more positive? Have you treated family members insensitively and later regretted that you hadn’t acted as kindly as you knew you should? We all have had moments like these. Despite our good intentions, something keeps us from being what we perceive to be as perfect. That something is our natural bent toward sin. In moderating your anger it can be helpful to be aware of two common traps: (1) the trap of succumbing to inferiority feelings and (2) the trap of attempting to be falsely superior.

We succumb to inferiority feelings: Somehow we learn to think we are less than acceptable because of our humanness. For some, their self-esteem is tied closely to their latest performance. Or maybe they were treated unfairly by someone in authority. Whatever the situation, the message is “you are not as perfect as you should be.”

We seek false superiority: When feelings of inferiority come upon us, we look for an escape. The most common is to seek an edge of superiority. When you react to difficulties with the thought “I’ve got to get the upper hand”, you are declaring war. This brings out the worst in your own personality and in the other person. The key to healthy anger is to communicate it with respect.

Recognizing equality: To avoid the inferior-superior trap, we must acknowledge that we are all equal in human value. Because of pride and arrogance we might be inclined to think we are better than a criminal. No one can determine the value of another human until they experience all the obstacles he had to face. We didn’t grow up with the same parents, the same teachers, peers or social relationships. We don’t have the same genetic makeup or inborn temperament. The point is, it is folly to try to compare our human values because we don’t have the same playing fields. When we are emotionally prompted to preserve our worth, needs, or convictions, we will have no desire to gain an upper hand or insult the other person as a means of elevating ourselves.

Minimizing evaluations: Human beings are obsessed with evaluative standings. We feel compelled to grade the performance. Our self-esteem then rises or falls based on the latest report card. A strong emphasis on evaluation coupled with the inevitable inability to be perfect leads to frustration and anger. Accept feedback and be willing to learn, but don’t let your emotional stability hang on the latest evaluation. Sidestepping human evaluations keeps us from being aggressive and competitive. Rather than getting lured into false games of superiority, we are more capable of seeing people for what they are: fellow sinners who have an equal need for God’s grace. 

Loneliness creates Anger

You do not have to remain in a rut of isolation and loneliness. You can make the choice to minimize this problem by adjusting your thoughts and activities. Successful anger management requires a willingness to come out of your shell and make yourself known.

Why we feel lonely: Loneliness is the emotion of isolation and the uncomfortable awareness that gaps exist in your relationships. Something seems to be missing. Acceptance from others does not come as often as you would like. The persons you want to be close to, does not share your relational goals. You become more frustrated by working harder at keeping relations going than your friends, relatives, or others do. You find yourself yearning to be with someone other than the person you are with. Anger can be reduced when the causes of those gaps is understood. A sinful nature, neglecting relationships, and failure to state needs successfully are the primarily causes of why we feel lonely.  

Our sinful nature: We say we feel lonely because of frustrated relationships, painful pasts, or poor social skills. Ultimately, we feel lonely because sin causes us to be separated from God which keeps us from fully knowing relationship and experiencing contentment. One of the first emotional results of the fall was loneliness. In fear, Adam hid from God and from his wife. He was ashamed to reveal himself fully. Looking for ways to cover up his vulnerabilities, he became evasive and phony. Since then, every person has experienced the feelings of loneliness. Feelings of isolation are inevitable in each of us.   

We neglect relationships: Our sinful nature causes in us, a vulnerability to loneliness.  Neglecting relationships is also partially to be at blame. We can be too busy with work, errands, and activities and overlook the more important stuff like meaningful dialogue and sharing personal rewarding time with other adults. Being too busy is not the only way to neglect relational growth. We can also be lazy about making the effort to maintain satisfactory ties with others. While achieving career goals and meeting schedules are important and should not be neglected, it is important to prioritize the most important goal and that is to relate, first with God, and then with others.     

We do not state our needs successfully: Anger increases, when we perceive others care very little about our personal needs. We think, “Why can’t people just understand what I need?” Of course no one can read minds so instead, we need to find more successful ways of communicating. Negative communication patterns to avoid or change is when you try too hard to persuade others that your needs are legitimate or if you defend your position too powerfully. People will get the impression that you lack confidence in what you are saying, so they don’t take you seriously. The result leaves you feeling disconnected and then angry. Instead, start by taking the insistence and intensity out of your voice. When you have a legitimate need, state it in an even tone of voice and be succinct. Know what it is you want to say in a compact, precise expression without wasted words. There is no guarantee others will respond to your needs once you’ve shared them. But by presenting yourself in a more composed manner, you will not receive the rejection as powerfully.